Eric's Randomness

#7 The Anticipation

2009-06-09T09:29:00.000-07:00

On the surface the Annual Men's Chateaugay Vacation (Mancation, Guy's Week, etc.) may look like an excursion from the daily grind that may last 7-10 days tops, but as anyone who has made the trip more than once will tell you that once you've experienced Chateaugay the longing to return never leaves you. Generally speaking planning for Chateaugay as we know it starts on New Years Eve of the year before. As if by some divine providence, whenever two or more Mancation attenders gather together on New Years Eve, at some point during the night someone utters some form of the following phrase "You know there's only 6 months until Chateaugay". That's when the anticipation really starts. In the months following, streams of emails, online chats and phone conversations are exchanged as the season starts to turn from Winter to spring. Talks of boat rides with Bubba-Kegs, images of Glaziers on the porch, thoughts of a Cigar and a drink with friends around the horse shoe pit all build the excitement and help to pull each of us out of the doldrums of the spring months even if just for a moment.

As vacation time gets closer budgets are discussed, TOB entries are selected, debated and narrowed down, cigars are selected, purchased and stored. Stories of years past are retold and retold. Like the time Brian got a little into his cups during the TOB and decided to sit out for 2 hours in a silent protest on the couch with his green trucker hat with the creased bill, aviator shades and a frown refusing to let anyone talk him out of it. Or all of us putting in the dock for the first time in frigid waist-high waters while JOB stood in the shallows doing nothing but complaining about the cold wearing Steve's mother's trench coat. Montreal memories from the customs officer who tore through all of our luggage, Enrique Iglesias to Molson H2Os. Perhaps someone will retell a story from one of the earliest trips to the lake, like when Steve managed to find Ken's only exposed area of skin with a paintball from 50 yards out through the trees. All of these memories and more build up an even greater desire to make the pilgrimage back to Camp.

The count down continues, 6 months turns into 10 days and then the first weather report comes out, most likely rain in the forecast, but that never dampens spirits. Camp is near, cigars will be smoked, drinks will be had, traditions will be held and reinvented, friendships will be strengthened, timeless memories will be formed and souls will be rejuvenated, refreshed and renewed. And then if just for one week, all will be right in the universe.

That is what makes the anticipation one of the reasons we love Chateaugay.

#8 The Local Attractions

2009-05-20T13:48:00.000-07:00

#8 Local Attractions

Chateaugay, New York is not what one would call a "tourist destination", the cottage is no where close to luxury lodging, but one thing is for certain, many memories have been formed at the various quirky local attractions the area has to offer. For those who call the Midwest states home, Meijer & Kroger are the supermarkets of choice offering familiar cuisine and layout. No such stores can be found around Chateaugay Lake, instead we have to hunter-gather our way through the wild untamed country of the IGA or Alix's True Value in the town of Chateaugay where you can get your very own embroidered Chateaugay, NY hooded sweat shirt, any item in Car-hart's product line and a washer/dryer combo all in one stop. For those more accustomed to "modern" shopping, the town of Malone has a Price Chopper, Wal-Mart and a K-Mart to choose from.

As any true American consumer would tell you, a town with a Wal-Mart is a happening place and Malone is no exception. As previously mentioned Malone is home to the local 'Chopper and its no doubt that our arrival marks a banner day for the local grocer. One can imagine the spectacle, several young men (in their mid-twenties) roaming the store with 2 full carts supermarket sweep-style searching for everything we need to feed up to 8 man-sized appetites for 10 days. Needless to say, I'm sure fathers see us coming and hide their daughters and mothers keep their infants close as if a herd of elephants was roaming loose through the aisles. With one cart stacked full of Price Chopper brand 3-liters of pop and the other maxed out with produce, dry goods and enough meat to make even Ron Jeremy blush we make our way to the check-out where we undoubtedly provide the most entertainment any cashier has seen in months. In the distance we see the poor high school-age bag-boys casting lots to see who's unlucky enough to have to bag the metric ton of items we purchase. The groceries alone are packed in enough plastic bags to kill 1,000 baby seals (maybe one year we'll spring for paper).

Directly across the street from the 'Chopper lies the Jug, providing the last best opportunity to refill any liquor and wine needs. For beer there is no where better than A&M Beverage, buying a half barrel of Genny and doing everything possible to "bring the keg back the right way eh" so we don't have to suffer the indignity of bringing back anything but an empty keg to that heavy set guy with the cool scar and funky Canadian/Northern New England accent.

Most Chateaugay veteran's know that we don't actually spend much time in the actual town of Chateaugay. Even so, it does still have its place in our memories. Whether its good natured Catholic kindness, our enthusiastic singing of the hymns, our portable amature EMT skills or the fact that we lower the average age by about 30 years, we always seem to recieve a warm welcome at St. Patrick's Church on Sunday mornings. Following Sunday Mass, tradition leads us to the breakfast buffet at the Cherry-Knoll where Don Mattingly is God in the shrine of the late 80's early 90's Bronx Bombers (Make sure you get a glass of whole milk and a slice of pie).

As for attractions closer to camp The Hollywood proves to be the lake's only oasis, providing a boat-accessable gas pump. I'm sure they're all too thrilled with a pontoon full of guys all smoking cigars pulling up to their station ready to fill 'er up on overpriced gasoline. Considering they're the only gas station in a 20 mile radius, it is a small price to pay. Another oft had tradition is the annual go-to-Martin's Bait & Tackle-and-buy-a-fishing-license-just-to-make-sure-no-one-ever-catches-another-pike-ever adventure. One year, in an effort to be health-conscience we even created the Martin's Bait & Tackle Road Race but due to an unfortunate injury the competition was called off and never repeated.

Of course the two hot-spots by the lake would have to be, Harrigan's by day and the Owly Out by night. For a mid-week taste of local night-life or an illegal (aledgedly) poker operation, the Owly Out is the place to go. Featuring moderate beverage prices, pool, make-shift karaoke and a chance at interacting with Counselors from Camp Chateaugay, the Owly Out is a nice place to visit but if its mid-day or early evening cream that you crave or possibly a last supper on the last night before making the early morning departure on the way back home, Harrigan's is the place for you. Now, for those of us in the mid-west, a local ice-cream/grill shop is nothing new or special but with a helmet-clad crew trying to order a slim jim flurry, the occasional stretch Hummer limo, piling 4 dudes in the back of a Caddy (while one is dropping medly), Mr. Toad's wild ride home and getting shot down by the locals, both the Owly Out and Harrigan's provide a nice change of pace to an otherwise secluded vacation.

The local attractions are just one of the many reasons we love Chateaugay Lake.

#9 The Cemetary

2009-05-19T14:55:00.000-07:00

After a long hiatus we continue the 18 reasons we love Chateaugay mancation:

#9 The Cemetary

As if being out in the middle of the woods by a lake in an ancient cottage built by some of the worst deathrow inmates in the state wasn't enough to draw comparisons to the setting of a horror fim. Just a few hundred yards away lies a cemetary that serves as the final resting place to dozens of pople from the Civil War era. The creepiest being a set of triplets all dying in a 3 year window.

Now, one would think that the fact that you can see the headstones from the dock would be enough of an eerie reminder of the possibility of the paranormal, add to that the stories told by the Ryan family about a certain "visitor". According to eyewitness accounts, several "Greyface" sightings have been noted peeking in windows late at night at the cottage.

No week in Chateaugay would be complete without a late night trip through the woods, a test of fortitude to be certain. Men make the long walk at night, real men make the trek with no flashlight and yet only one man has ever done it alone. One year during a traditional trip to the graveyard, several people claim to have seen a little girl crossing their path into the woods by the grave yard. The story goes that she walked by, stopped to look at them and then made her way into the forest with no flashlight, wearing pajamas in the middle of the night. Other times have been marked by tiki-torches, shirtless expeditions, blinding cobwebs, deer, lost wallets and cuddling on the path.

Packed full of tradition and memories, the Cemetary is just another reason we love Chateaugay Lake Mancation.

#10 The Drive

2009-05-02T07:14:00.000-07:00

Continuing the series on the 18 reasons we love Chateaugay Mancation:

#10 The Drive

At first glance an 11+ hour drive (almost 14 for Cincinnatians) each way would seem like the bane of any traveler's vacation, but with any true pilgrimage, the journey is has its own place in the adventure. Yes, just like migratory birds heading north for the summer, we load into various vehicles and travel the same roads, stopping at the same landmarks year after year. From the first stop in Erie, PA to the bittersweet passage through 2 states only to realize there's still about 8 hours left to go. Then passing through the western tip of New York you see decieving signs for Chautauqua Lake giving us all an instant of false hope, thinking we had reached our destination. Next is the required stop at the Angola Service station just outside of Buffalo where the prices are more inflated than a blowfish at the zoo after the six year old banged on his tank for too long. (Some conversations overheard at the McDonald's at said service station "I'll have a McDouble, fries and a drink off the $5 menu." "Wow, only $12.50 for a Big Mac value meal?") After a quick gas stop and a right turn at Buffalo, Rochester passes by and then Syracuse. As Watertown approaches, the goal is in sight. One last stop for food at the Ft. Drum McDonalds (whether you're hungry or not) and its on to the last major leg. Traveling through Gouverneur (where keeping it "all in the family" takes on a whole new meaning), Canton and Pottsdam taking 11b regardless of what Google maps, Mapquest and AAA say is faster you go this way because Steve Ryan says so... and because its tradition. One last chuckle as the route takes you through the towns of Bangor and West Bangor then its on to Malone (or the last bit of "civilization" you'll see) for the supply stop. Only the nescessities on this shopping trip, a case of beer, food for the next day and toilet paper, the rest comes tomorrow, but right now its down the home stretch to camp. The rest of the trip is quite magical, in the daytime there is one moment where the trees and houses open up and you have a crystal clear view of the lake in all its splendor with the tees and mountians in the background. For me, that's when I know I've arrived. Then its a few minutes until you make the right turn past those timeless white lightposts, down the unpaved road through the woods to the Ryan-Hyland compound just as you had left it 12 months ago. Congratulations, you have just entered the timewarp, you have just arrived in God's country.

All seriousness aside, some of the great Mancation memories have come from the drive, whether its overnight, during the day or some combination of both. John and Brian making the trip from Baltimore... The 6 degrees of Carrie Ewles... Patrick's gobbler, showing up with his Bronson Arroyo hat and Ryan Freel's dirty shirt...Joking about "That Smell" by Lynyrd Skynyrd all week only to have it play on the radio 5 minutes from home...Jered, Ken and me all squeezing into Gary's Caddy and having the seat attack him like a scene out of Star Wars...Ken's all night at the helm... who can forget cracking jokes while eating at the Erie, PA McDonald's, passing through Bangor, or passing by the "Local Honey" shack. Of course just about everyone of us has had some bathroom emergency, from having to spill beans at a Bob Evans to having to urinate like a thouroughbread one hour away from your final destination. Anything I'm missing?

That's why the drive is one of the reasons we love Chateaugay Mancation.

#12 & #11 The Music, The Piano and Sing-Alongs

2009-04-13T16:31:00.000-07:00

Continuing the series on the 18 reasons we love Chateaugay Mancation:

#12 & #11 The Music, The Piano and Sing-Alongs

For all who've experienced the joy of Chateaugay in late June, you know that the daily boat-ride through the narrows, past the sandbar to the upper lake would not be complete without one man

Neil

Lovescape is possibly the most listened to album while on the lake. When I hear "If There Were No Dreams", "Mountains of Love", "When You Miss Your Love", "Fortune of the Night" and others I can almost pinpoint an exact location on the lake associated with those songs. Partly sunny skies, breezy, a cigar in one hand, a Bubba-Keg in the other and Neil playing on the radio reflects the laid-back, down to earth, yet sophisticated style of a Chateaugay boat ride.

Of course no true Chateaugay evening would be complete without the sounds of horseshoes crashing into the iron in sync with the opening tune of the 10th Anniversary Recording of Les Miserables. Throughout the week the timbre of Neil Diamond and the Bert Lahr-esque croons of Colm Wilkinson are 2 staples of the wide variety of music that comprises the soundtrack of Chateaugay. Matisyahu to Skid Row, Derek Webb to Jekyll & Hyde set the tone from lunch time on the porch to evenings around the grill.

Another part of the music surrounding Chateaugay comes from the 100+ year-old upright piano that magically stays in tune while experiencing temperature extremes from the single digits to the low 80's. Everyone gets a chance to sing along side the ole' rough and ready, from the whole group singing Uncle Jim's Irish drinking songs to Kenny Ken's extended rockstar fermatas, duets, solos and even a piece of classical piano courtesy of the Maestro. On occasion even JOB has been known to tickle the skins, but if you're really lucky you'll see special guest Pat Ryan on guitar. No matter what, the presence of a Piano and/or a radio provides all the entertainment needed on a week-long vacation without such modern distractions as TVs, cell phones or the internets making the music, the piano and sing-alongs reasons we love Chateaugay Mancation.

#14 The Food and #13 The Grill

2009-03-25T12:41:00.000-07:00

Part 5 of the ongoing series on the 18 reasons we love Chateaugay Mancation

#14 The Food and #13 The Grill

Is it the location, the grill, the Price Chopper food or the communal effort that makes the Chateaugay Cuisine so special? Where else does the thought of eating red Glazier's Hot Dogs (in "natural" casings) on New England style split-top buns topped with Easy-Cheese and Nance's Mustard every day for lunch sound like a great idea? No where else but Chateaugay. There must be something special about the yearly Mancation to make Triscuits, easy cheese, wicked sharp cheddar & Genesee Cream Ale "gourmet" snacks. Nothing would make any man's week complete without artery-clogging goodness. From Dolly Parton-sized BBQ Chicken Breasts to 12lbs of Pork Loin complete with the Chef's special Au Jus, each of us consume enough protein to put a Sumo Wrestler's diet to shame. Add that to the massive amount of McCadam Cheese (both brick and curds) consumed and its no wonder a trip to the bathroom can be considered a full-day event.

All of this, of course is made possible by Executive Chef, Jered and the communal efforts of the rest of the crew. Whether the menu consists of the Ryan's famous 2lbs Chateaugay Fatburgers, or Kenny Ken's signature pasta, one factor" continues to be the silent partner in the collaborative miracle that is a Mancation dinner: The Grill.

It has been said that there has never been a bad meal cooked on The Grill (not just any grill but The Grill) and any attempt to replace it has been in vain. Nothing is more manly than various meats on a good ole' fashioned charcoal grill in the summer. Add that to a good cigar, horseshoes, camaraderie, tunes and plenty of cold drinks and you have one sweet recipe. If the porch is where the issues of the world are discussed, around the grill is where the joys of life, nature and man-hood are shared and experienced... at least until it is time to do the dishes...

Epic Amounts of Pork at Chateaugay

Stuff Eric Likes

2009-03-14T06:58:00.000-07:00

Have you ever been to StuffChristiansLike.net? It might just change your life... seriously I llol (literally laugh out loud) on a daily basis. From talk about the tankini to the side hug Jon Acuff keeps the hilarity flowing like (insert funny reference here).

We're almost to the tax filing deadline and admittedly I have yet to start my taxes. Speaking of taxes, well, not really but speaking of money, mint.com is a great site to get your stuff in order and if you need to stay out of debt check out Dave Ramsey's Financial Peace University, it might just change your life. My wife and I chipped away at out $5,ooo in credit card debt in a little over a year and you can too.

Check out my friend Jered's blog good stuff on beer, culture and some real gritty issues, glad to have him back in the saddle. Also a new comer to the blog-o-sphere check out a guy getting his feet wet.

Of course no list of mine could be complete without mentioning two of my weekly hangouts. Postsecret.com excellent social commentary, humanity at its most raw and Zero Punctuation, if you're a gamer you'll love it (unless you're a fanboy). Check them out.

What sites do you like?

#15 The Porch

2009-03-12T13:44:00.000-07:00

Part 4 of the ongoing series on the 18 reasons we love Chateaugay Mancation

#15 The Porch

If you stop to consider what makes Chateaugay Chateaugay (in all its glory, wonder and awe), the porch has to be a dark horse in the running. At first glance the outsider would say, "what's so special about a screened in porch?" but this is is no ordinary house-extension. This porch is the ultimate time-warp, it seems from year to year everything seems to stay the same, none of the furniture matches (in style and decade), there are fishing poles that span the evolution range of the sport and of course the dreaded hanging glass windows of death (in all fairness one side was recently replaced with lighter, safer plexiglass, but I digress).

Many of the best Chateaugay moments were spent on that porch. From mid-day naps on the comfiest couch in the world, to a cigars, Maxims & novels afternoon on a rainy day the porch is the staple, the Grand Central Station if you will, of camp. All activities start from the porch. It is the place where Steve's morning coffee and smoke in "his chair" (or so I am told, since no of us are ever up early enough to witness it), lunch, cheese, evening cigars, conversations and other events (like the TOB) take place.

Who can forget Pat's leftovers-turned-gourmet-midnight snacks, "mellow" moments, smoking the Ming, the TOB ('06-'08 editions), trying to hammer out Pat's best man speech, introducing Uncle Jim to a wider variety of cigars, yelling at Pat to hurry up either into or from the porch, hearing him respond with something followed by "right quick", searching every nook and cranny to see where the bugs were getting in only to realize that a whole window was out.

The porch is where some of the essential Chateaugay bonds are formed whether the topic is girls, cigars or God, quite reflection or deep discussion, life happens on the porch. From the time we wake up and groggily stumble down for lunch to the evening conversations before we head to bed, the porch is the steady constant just waiting for us to return- to reconnect- to rejuvenate in the timeless treasure that is the Chateaugay Mancation.

#16 Horse Shoes (and other competitive activities)

2009-03-05T12:47:00.000-08:00

Part 3 of the ongoing series on the 18 reasons we love Chateaugay Mancation

#16 Horse Shoes (and other competitive activities)

Ah yes, what night at camp would be complete without the sound of horseshoes on the iron? As much of a staple on a Chateaugay Mancation as impounded colons and clogged arteries, the nightly games if horseshoes have been the source of innumerable moments that make or break you as a man. That pit has seen its share of ups and downs when it comes to shoes. JOB's aerial tree-branch cutters and ground-scorching rolling-end-over-enders have shared the same sand as Pat Ryan's perfect one-backwards-turn iron seeking missiles. From the very first "night game" cooking dinner and tossing shoes has been a not-oft-missed ritual, forging and strengthening friendships while the visiting team of Pat and Chad pulling up in the Garbage Barge and cleaning Camp Tekakwitha's clock is sure to plant the seeds of bitterness. Never the less, the competition and camaraderie of a spirited shoes match with a cold beverage in a bubba-keg, Chateaugay cheese and a cigar is second to none.

Competition itself is at the core of an all-guys vacation. Whether it is going all in on a pair of aces or paregoric in head-to-head no limit poker for the bracelet, eating 7 Michigans just to break Brandon's record, running the 1 and 2 coded offense during a "friendly" football game and debating whether or not you were touched with both hands, sacrificing intestinal integrity to record the longest Keg-stand time, vying for the title of "second-best athlete here", trying to win the wiffle-ball home run derby in the sandlot while being attacked by malaria-infested mosquitoes or chasing down the "pike that got away", competition and camp go hand and hand.

Just remember, we're all out here to have a good time regardless of how long its been since you've swung the wrenches around and at the end of the day it doesn't matter if we've been in the boat freezing our nipples off waiting for "just one more drift" (even though there hasn't been a single bite all day) or we're watching you whiff on the first tee (after joking about it the whole way to the golf course) at the end of the day there will always be a game of shoes, a beverage in a bubba-keg, Chateaugay cheese and a cigar waiting for you.

Horse Shoes (and other competitive activities) are just another reason why we love the Chateaugay Mancation.

#17 Uncle Jim

2009-02-26T09:33:00.000-08:00

This is part 2 in the 18 reasons to love Chateaugay Mancation.

#17 Uncle Jim

As the obvious follow up to #18 (Pat Ryan), Jim Ryan (aka, Uncle Jim or the Colonel), father of the great Pat Ryan, oldest of the Ryan boys is another reason why to love camp. Staying in a cabin so modern in comparison to the rustic feel of our beloved Camp Tekakwitha that it might as well be a location for the next Sci-Fi Channel original movie (The place does have Television and Dial-Up internet).

Uncle Jim's classic and memorable moments include the extremely early serenade of "Oh What a Beautiful Morning", outside the porch, his choice of cigars ("'What kind of cigar are you smoking Uncle Jim?' 'This is a Phillie's Blunt, Strawberry Flavor, GREAT cigar, GREAT cigar'"), his Borntrager-esque horseshoe skills, affinity for Knoppogue Castle Irish Whiskey, ability to fall asleep during any conversation, offering his famous o' dark thirty pancake breakfast (of which I think we've managed to get up for one) and his penchant for over-the-top nicknames like "Clydesdale" for anyone who can master to loosen the lug nuts on the old Eagle-clunker...

Uncle Jim has a heart as big as the lake itself, he is the de-facto camp historian and takes more pride the family history than anyone. Camp would not be camp without the Colonel.

25 Random Things About Me

2009-02-05T17:31:00.000-08:00

So I've fallen victim to the facebook-meme curse

1. I always finish what I start, follow-through is very important to me and it is something that I pride myself on.

2. I think Bananas are shy, Pineapples are contemplative and Apples are the most social fruit.

3. Given the choice between sneezing skittles and burping popcorn I would choose to fart confetti .

4. I play the drums but they don't know it so lets keep this between us.

5. I believe that pulling a band-aid off quickly is a cop-out.

6. I really want to try to eat so many vegetables that I get sick. Then I can say that vegetables aren't good for me.

7. If you've never realized how stupid the saying "give yourself a pat on the back" really is, try it... no seriously, try it... there now, don't you feel retarded? (OK so that wasn't about me, but I had to get that off my chest)

8. I prefer black beans over any other type of bean.

9. My name last spelled backwards is Smailliw.

10. I think I may have Enissophobia, so don't judge me OK.

11. I get distracted easily and tend to lose my train of...

12. I own a black trench coat and I really liked to wear it... until those punks at Columbine ruined it for me.

13. I once saw a forklift lift a crate of forks. And it was way to literal for me.

14. I think its weird that every concession stand has the token jar of huge pickles and yet I don't know anyone who buys them...ever. On that note, I guess I would find it very awkward to watch someone eat a pickle... or a banana for that matter. I'm not sure any guy could look masculine eating either a gigantic pickle or banana, that's why I have personally boycotted the eating of such items.

15. I believe I am unique just like everybody else.

16. I took a bathroom break after typing #15 and almost dropped my phone in the toilet, that would have been a disaster.

17. I love my wife Abby for the weirdest things, like the random conversations she has in her sleep like the one time she told me that this was her home town (we were not in her home town by the way) and she was proud of it no matter what our dog says. Or the time she woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me that things were not right because she wasn't sure who took her chalupa.

18. I often wonder why a collection of mixed fruit it called a "fruit cocktail" while a collection of mixed vegetables are called a "vegetable medley".

19. I want to get a vending machine, with fun sized candy bars, and have the glass in front be a magnifying glass. You'll be mad, but it will be too late.

20. I am slightly obsessive about making as many right turns as possible while driving. It actually freaks me out if my commute is made up of all left turns, I can't handle it emotionally.

21. This should have been titled "20 Random Things About Me"

22. I like to rock and roll all night, and part of everyday. But not the whole day because I might have stuff to do later.

23. The most random phrase I can think of right now is "Tomahawk-doorknob". Which is what I think of everytime I need something random to say.

24. I always use the handicapped stall in restrooms mostly because it is my way of getting back at them for parking in our parking spots.

25.

Quotes that are relevant to me right now

2009-01-29T16:33:00.000-08:00

Here are some quotes from an old journal I found, some have sources others have been lost to time.

"We subscribe to false gospels that are troubling our souls. Because we live in a constant sales environment where we are told a certain car will make us sexy or a certain dish-washing detergent will be a miracle for our dishes, we assume the gospel of Jesus works the same way, that is, if we invest something, we get something more back. But this is not the case. To understand what the Bible explains Jesus' gospel to be, we must look to each other, to the way a father interacts with a child, a bride to a bridegroom, a doctor to a patient. When we let go of the idea of Jesus as a product and embrace Him as a being, our path to spiritual maturity begins."

"Having met the enemy, I discovered the enemy wasn’t who I thought they were. They were flawed, even as we were flawed, but they were no less patriotic, and no less good. And what’s more, they weren’t out to get us like my conservative friends had told me. I began to see, honestly, the far conservative right, the radical right (not the balanced, objective right) as being paranoid. The advertisements on conservative radio talk shows were about guns and alarm systems."

-Donald Miller

"We should not be arrogant victims who seek vengeance, but wounded healers willing and ready to forgive."

-Unknown

"All scripture is equally inspired but not equally important...All scripture is not equally aplicable for every stage of life"

"Our church is not sacred, our mission is."

"Are we the church of the loving father (in reference to the parable of the prodigal son from Luke 16) or the older brother...How would the story have been different if it had been the older brother waiting at the doorstep?"

-Reggie Joiner

"Leadership is a stewardship, it is temporary and I am accountable."
-Andy Standley

"The story already has a star and it is not you or I... We have a supporting role in the greatest story ever told"

-Brian McLaren

"Notice how many places in the accounts of Jesus’ life he gets frustrated with his disciples. Because they are incapable? No, because of how capable they are. He sees what they could be and could do, and when they fall short it provokes him to no end. It isn’t their failure that’s the problem, it’s their greatness. They don’t realize what they are capable of....God has an amazingly high view of people. God believes that people are capable of amazing things. I’ve been told I need to believe in Jesus. Which is a good thing. But what I’m learning is that Jesus believes in me....God has faith in me."

-Rob Bell

"Born again is an overused term that really means we should rethink our position, start over and be fully dependant on God as if we were born again as infants"

Christmas in the Carribean

2008-12-25T06:39:00.001-08:00

Spending this week in Vieques (a small island off the coast of Puerto Rico) with my family, I have started to realize how much the media and society pushes the commercial view of Christmas. As I woke up this morning, no snow on the ground, no Christmas tree, no exorbitant pile of needless crap wrapped in gaudy paper and it made me feel like this was... Thursday... nothing more. Nothing is different from any other day here, the waves are still playing tag with the shoreline, the birds still float in the air like kites and the sun continues to play peek-a-boo with the clouds. Other than the "Contemporary Holiday Hits" playing on the Sirius XM Radio there is no sign of Christmas, no sign of commemorating the birth of Christ, no Three Kings, no Angel of the Lord appearing to shepherds watching their flock, no plastic nativity scene with Joseph wearing a pink sash. Nothing.

I have always been in a setting where Christmas (well, the commercial representation of it anyway) dominated everything from Thanksgiving until the we discard the season on the curb with the rest of the trash on December 26th. This year is different, strip away the glitz and hubbub drummed up by societal pressures to buy into yet another superficial season and all you have is life. Unchanged, unfazed, unabashed life.

I have never felt closer to the true meaning of Christmas.

Although I hate cliche's like that, I will stomach it for this example. Life goes on uninterrupted, God goes on as He always has, since the moment in the Mountains of the Middle East where Moses' inquiry elicits a response from God. "Tell them 'I am' has sent you". God tells Moses to tell his people that the One who has always been and always will be has sent him.

Amazing.

God always has been and always will be. Just like the waves on the beach, a seemingly endless ebb and flow. A constant song in the background, a timeless reminder that like the movements of the ocean, God is. God was. God will always be.

Just the Issues

2008-10-30T07:47:00.000-07:00

With all of the negative ad campaigning going on, I thought I would just focus on the issues. Based on what I've seen in the media this election, here is what your vote really means.

A vote for John McCain and Sarah Palin is:
A vote for racism
A vote for corporations & big business
A vote for oil companies
A vote for a quasi-demopublican
A vote against the poor
A vote against labor
A vote against jobs
A vote for George W. Bush
A vote for fear-mongering
A vote for 4 more years of the same
A vote against Civil Rights (he voted against a national holiday for MLK Jr.)
A vote against a woman's right to choose
A vote for the rich getting richer
A vote for rash and impulsive recklessness
A vote for lobbyists
A vote for Rod Parsley, John Hagee and other radical right-wing conservative Christians
A vote against the environment
A vote against conservation
A vote for intolerance
A vote for war-mongering
A vote for an uber-rich, out of touch, aging senior citizen and an inexperienced, air-headed, gun-toting hockeymom
A vote for empty promises
A vote against the UN
A vote for an increasing national debt
A vote for corruption (Keating Five)
A vote for the unknown

A vote for Barack Obama and Joe Biden is:
A vote for terrorists
A vote for socialized medicine
A vote for higher taxes
A vote for socialism
A vote for Marxism
A vote for Government control of private citizens
A vote for killing babies
A vote for the United Citizens Party (who also nominated a Socialist Party candidate in 2004)
A vote against national security
A vote for inexperience
A vote for the Democrats trifecta, holding the House, Senate and Presidency
A vote for "redistribution of wealth"
A vote against Isreal
A vote against the 2nd amendment
A vote for Rashid Khalidi, Yasir Arafat, William Ayers, Jeremiah Wright, Hamas, Fidel Castro,
A vote for the Anti-Christ
A vote against the troops
A vote for more federal spending
A vote against small business
A vote for judicial activism
A vote for partisan politics
A vote for the most liberal voting senator
A vote for pragmatism
A vote against family values
A vote for empty promises
A vote for the unknown

Making the Right Turns

2008-09-17T07:54:00.000-07:00

I know that I catch a lot of flack from passengers in my car because of my semi-neurotic obsession with choosing a right-turn route over a left turn route. Well as it turns out, UPS has been making a point of turning right almost 90% of the time in their routes. This has lead to shorter idling time and has saved the company upwards of 3 million gallons of fuel per year.

Not only do right turns save gas, but they also help save commute time. So next time you're behind the wheel and looking at the rising gas prices at the pump, remember to make the "right turn" whenever possible.

Universal Truths

2008-07-30T12:21:00.001-07:00

Triangular sandwiches taste better than square ones.
At the end of every wild college-party there is always a girl crying.
Everyone who grew up in the 80's has entered the digits 55378008 into a calculator.
Sharpening a pencil with a knife makes you feel really manly.
You're never quite sure whether it's against the law or not to have a fire in your back yard, unless you live in an apartment, then it is definitely against the law.
You never know where to look when eating a banana.
Its impossible to describe the smell of a wet cat (note: wet dog smell is an accurate description of a wet dog, but there is no such thing as wet cat smell)
Poking a fire with a stick makes you feel manly.
Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad
Rummaging in overgrown grass will always turn up a bouncy ball.
You always feel a bit scared when petting horses, maybe its their huge bowling ball eye.
It is impossible to look tough while drinking out of a straw
Everyone always remembers the day a dog ran into your school.
The most embarrassing thing you can do as schoolchild is to call your teacher mom or dad
The smaller the monkey the more it looks like it would kill you at the first given opportunity.
Some days you see lots of people on crutches.
Every man, has, at some stage, while taking a pee, flushed half way through and then raced against the flush.
No matter how many times you shake it, the last drop will always be in your pants
Old women with mobile phones look wrong!
Its impossible to look cool while picking up a Frisbee or while tossing back an item after an errant throw to the people playing "catch".
Driving through a tunnel makes you feel excited.
Old ladies can eat more than you think.
You can't respect a man who carries a dog.
There's no panic like the panic you momentarily feel when you've got your hand or head stuck in something. Or when you're at someone else's house and the toilet water starts to come up before going down
No one knows the origins of their metal coat hangers.
Despite constant warning, you have never met anybody who has had their arm broken by a swan.
The most painful household incident is stubbing your toe on the edge of the bed/coffee table/hope chest etc.
People who don't drive slam car doors too hard
You've turned into your dad the day you put aside a thin piece of wood specifically to stir paint with.
Everyone had an uncle who tried to steal their nose.
Everyone has an aunt who is a "cheek pincher"
Bricks are horrible to carry.
In every order of french fries there is a fry that looks like it had been sitting on the surface of the sun.

Who's Been On Notice This Week?

2008-05-10T12:47:00.000-07:00

First off, Cyclones: Stop trying to fool us, just call it a hurricane. The average American doesn't know the difference and those in the Cincinnati area think you're talking about ECHL Hockey. Overheard last weekend in Cincinnati "I have no idea where this Myanmar team came from but the Cyclones sure crushed 'em!". (All joking aside, if you'd like to support the relief efforts in Myanmar UNICEF and World Vision are both accepting donations) Seriously, "Tropical Cyclone Nargis" doesn't sound nearly as devastating as "Hurricane Nargis".

Is anyone else appalled by this talk about the possibility of the first FeMinority President? (that's right, I combined Female and Minority into one word, recognize the skills) Am I the only one that doesn't think that race or gender should matter in a presidential election? For some reason people think being a minority or a woman gives you super-leadership and presidential-y powers... I think not. I'd buy it if this was an athletic event or cooking/parenting competition then I would be all for this perceived advantage.

Did anyone outside of Ohio hear about the newest $.23 pizza apology/marketing ploy from Papa Johns? Basically someone had a great idea to make up No. 23 T-shirts with the word "Crybaby" and the Papa John's logo, which Washington Wizards fans flaunted during Friday's playoff game in Washington DC in reference to Lebron James complaining about hard fouls during the last playoff series.

So what did Papa Johns do? They gave a public apology and offered $.23 pizzas for customers in the Cleveland, Toledo & Columbus areas. Nice, just goes to show that if you whine and cry enough you'll get your way (and $.23 large, single topping, pizzas from Papa Johns).

Oh, and what the hell is PETA doing? I understand being all weepy over the whipping of race horses, but calling for the suspension of Gabriel Saez (the jockey of Eight Belles, who was euthanized shortly after breaking both ankles after finishing second in the Kentucky Derby) is just really stupid. While I agree that this tragedy should help pave the way for safer surfaces, PETA just needs to settle down and take a breath, as long as it does not abuse an animal or insect in the process.

Mother's Day is right around the corner... do we really need to make it an official holiday? I thought every day was Mother's Day... but maybe that's just me.

Bomb-Diggity: Like "Your Mom" jokes were to 2007 bomb-diggity is the "retro-bring-back-phrase" of 2008. Pass it on, because we're bringing it back.

Conforming Non-Conformist: Yeah, I get it, you're a rebel just like all your friends. Its a good thing you aren't one of those mindless sheep wearing what everyone else wears just like the rest of your hippie-crew. In reality you just want to shock people with your statements and "original" thoughts... Here's a clue be different, be eclectic, just because you don't agree with "pop-culture" doesn't make you any less or a conformist (or hypocrite) than the other 6 billion sheep on the planet. Oh and cut that emo-bang, you look like a tool. Oh, and while you're at it, cut the self-loathing crap, if you're reading this, you have a computer, or you have access to a computer so you live better than most of the world. Your life is great. Stop thinking about your own piddly little issues, step back and take a look around this world. Don't start getting all upset about how you live so good and don't do enough for others either... that's still your self-centered self-loathing sneaking in on the other side. If you're always bogged down in the negative when can anything good happen? But go ahead call me a conformist who doesn't see your pain. Tell me I don't understand or that I'm out of touch, just keep focusing on your self-loathing so you don't really have to deal with the real issues that make your life suck. Maybe you're really just afraid of what it would take to change yourself instead of blaming everyone else for your poor whiny woe-is-me existence.

Peace.

Gun-Shy Control

2008-05-09T14:48:00.000-07:00

Mountains On The Ocean Floor
Words and music by Andrew Peterson
(I Samuel 16:7, Revelation 2:17, Romans 7:15-25, Phillipians 1:6)

My uncle’s in the county jail

His time is on his hands

He knows he chose a barren cell

Over a fair and fertile land

He took another hit

He hit another high

He flew until he fell

Just like he has a thousand times

Nothing ever seems to change

But miles away beneath the waves

There are mountains

Mountains on the ocean floor

They’re rising from the deep

But no one ever sees

No one ever sees

I can’t believe I landed there

I swear I swore it off

I know that I can’t stand it here

Still I came and took a fall

I wish that I could shake it

I wish that I was free

I wish that I was half the man

I wish that I could be

There are mountains

Mountains on the ocean floor

They’re moving up so slow

No one ever knows

No one ever knows

Nothing ever seems to change

But miles away beneath the waves

Down below the dirt

Hotter than a flame

In the belly of the earth

He has given you a Name

There are mountains

Mountains on the ocean floor

They’re rising from the deep

Where no one ever sees

There are mountains

They’re hidden there beneath the waves

They’re moving up so slow

No one ever knows

There’s a molten heart of stone

That is waiting to explode

Only God can see it grow

Baseball Ettiquite

2008-05-07T08:17:00.001-07:00

Since the Baseball season is in full swing (pun intended) my good friend Jered (check out his blog jeredryan.blogspot.com) and I decided to discuss fan ettiquite online today...

J: What's proper foul ball etiquette? Are you obligated to give one to a kid? Is it ok to mug for the camera if you catch one on about six bounces? Is it cool for a 30 year old to bring a glove? We'll discuss today.

Me: I don't think you are obligated to give it to a kid unless one is in your group one of your nieces for instance and only if she brought her mitt

J: but what if you took the kid out to get it?

Me: but I think you have to stick to a one ball limit...once you acquire a second it needs to be given up... or used in various graphic gestures towards the other team

Are you in the family section?

J: no

Me: is it a boy under 13 or a girl under 15?

J: yes

Me: I think once it becomes apparent that you have to move more than a row forward or backward or over 7 or more seats laterally you must take a brief check of the competition, no man over 18 should pursue a ball further than that distance if kids of said gender/age are also in pursuit unless you're in the bleachers and its totally empty then its like a war zone

Is that issue closed? on to number 2?

J: On to 2 . . .

Me: *Is it ok to mug for the camera if you catch one on about six bounces?*
The only reason to mug for the camera is if you catch the ball bare-handed, if you acquire the ball without spilling the beer in your dominant hand or no more than half of said beer in the non-dominant hand. Or if the ball hits another member of your group, then you are obligated to show more excitement for catching the ball than you show concern for your buddy's well-being

J: well said

Me: #3?

J: yes

me: *Is it cool for a 30 year old to bring a glove*

I'm torn on this one... i say yes

but I think the cut-off point is once you bring kids it is no longer acceptable to don the mitt

Also, you shouldn't bring a mitt if you're bringing your girl friend/significant other

J: really? A glove makes you seem kinda gay

Me: Baseball is a kids game, its nostalgic, a glove, hat & jersey add to that...now if you're with a chick its different no mitt

I think if you "look" like you can play then you can bring a mitt or if you look like you have played in the last year.

The whole point of bringing the mitt is just in case all the reserve players go down with some injury, the manager can pull you out of the crowd... after all, he's already seen your mad skills catching that ball off your buddy's head and imagine if you're at a Reds game and Dusty Baker picks you out of the crowd and says he needs you at short stop... how embarrassed would you be telling him "no" because you left your mitt at home

J: good point. . . that makes sense

Two Lies

2008-05-06T19:34:00.000-07:00

1. The Republican Party is Jesus' Party, GOP has the endorsement of GOD.

2. The Democrats are all about the common man and honestly care about the plight of the poor for reasons other than political gain.

WHEN FUNDAMENTALIST CHRISTIANS ATTACK: Heath Ledger

2008-01-27T21:23:00.001-08:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bfC07XvNgWM
Now this is just my opinion as I see the situation:

The same homosexual sex is a sin

Hating or judging others is a sin

Anyone who sins is falling short of God's standard and therefore all sin is equal. There is no way to argue degrees of sin since no sin gets anyone "closer" to God's standard.

All sin is the same in God's eyes

The job of a Christian or a Church is to point to God, whether that be by words, actions vocation etc.

My job is to love others and show them Christ.

I am not the one who gets to pass judgement nor should I assume I know what said judgement would be. The "original sin" was disobeying God and presuming to know better/more than God... we all know that never ends well.

Jesus/God loves everyone no matter what their sin

God loves Heath Ledger

God loves heterosexual people as much as He loves homosexuals... God loves people, period.

That also means God loves those who spew hate in His name.

Michael Jackson Captain Eo

2008-01-25T10:10:00.001-08:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4kBeD1L_nd4

This may make me really lame, but going to Disney Land and seeing Captain EO as a kid was a dream come true and one of my favorite memories. Too bad the guy is a certified wacko now...

But at least I can look back on these memories fondly (no pun intended).

Know Your Meme: LOL Cats

2007-12-22T15:34:00.001-08:00

I know its rudimentary, I know it may be degrading our nation's already declining literacy rate and incouraging "text-speak" and other forms of incorrect grammer...

BUT

There is something so darn cute about LOL Cats.

Notcie: I am not promoting Mike Huckabee...

2007-12-22T15:26:00.001-08:00

...but in this age of political slam-ads, this is a refreshing and welcomed alternative. It seems like politicians are in the business of telling us who they are not instead of who they are and what they stand for. Here's an idea, tell us where you stand on issues and what your plans are to improve the country. Far fetched? Maybe.

Um, Yeah

2007-12-01T15:08:00.000-08:00

So I was totally wrong about my Football predictions... I admit I was wrong...WAAAAAY wrong.

Preseason AFC North Predictions: Cleveland

2007-08-14T13:22:00.000-07:00

Part 3 of my 4 part series on the AFC North Preseason Predictions click here for part 1 and part 2

First of all, let me say the Browns are going to be one of the worst teams in the league so I'm sorry if the commentary seems short and/or redundant.

Pittsburgh- L
Just plain not good enough yet, be it Anderson, Frye or (the unlikely) Quinn the QB situation will not be good here, especially in the first game. Jamal Lewis can't provide enough on the ground and B. Edwards is going to be getting a lot of Steeler attention.

Cincinnati- L
Again, they're not good enough at QB and the O-Line still has questions even with all of the off-season moves. Health is an issue and the Bengals take this opportunity to try out a more aggressive pass rush.

at Oakland- W
This may be the worst game of the year. Oakland has a good Defense but Cleveland's Defensive playmakers make more of a difference in this poor excuse for a football game.

Baltimore- L
This is going to be a looooong season for whoever "wins" the QB job in Cleveland...

at New England- L
Nope, next.

Miami- L
Miami's D may be getting older but their pass rush is enough to rattle the Browns. Jayson Taylor has multiple sacks and/or turnovers here

BYE (Whew)

at St. Louis- W
Somehow the D holds on here. Maybe St. Louis gets injured in key spots, maybe luck is on there side but I think the Brownies pull this one out.

Seattle- L
Come on, this is big boy football...

at Pittsburgh- L
If this was a home game then they would have a chance, but since this mid-season match-up is at Heinz Field, the Steelers win. K. Wimbley goes off here, but its not enough.

at Baltimore- L
By now Quinn is under center running for his life pouting after every game

Houston- W
Cold weather is settling on the Dawg Pound, the Texans are moving in the right direction but they lose this battle. DeMeco Ryans provides Brady Quinn with plenty of grass stains on his jersey.

at Arizona- L
In the dome the Cardinals offense is too much in the air for this oft-injured secondary. Edge has an opportunity to expose the over-agressive LBs with draws and screens.

at NY Jets- L
Mangenius shows Romo who's the better Belichick protege.

Buffalo- W
Buffalo is shooting for a higher draft pick in this game and they get one step closer here.

at Cincinnati- L
Cincinnati is in a close AFCN playoff race with Baltimore and every win counts. While the Bengals could slip up here, I say they roll over the Dawgs.

San Francisco- L
A pathetic end to the season as Romo gets his second straight 4-12 season. Good news is they get another high draft pick next year...oh wait, you wasted it on Brady Quinn! Ha!

4-12 Crying themselves to sleep in the offseason.

Preseason AFC North Predictions: Pittsburgh

2007-08-07T11:34:00.000-07:00

Part 2 of my 4 part series on the AFC North Preseason Predictions click here for part 1

at Cleveland: W
Even thought Cleveland gives the Steelers one good game each year, they serve as both an automatic "W" and the AFCN whipping boy.

Buffalo: W
No Willis McGahee makes Buffalo look like a bunch of NFL Europe rejects

San Francisco: W
This one would be tougher outside of the friendly confines of Heinz Field, but the 49ers young defense isn't ready yet. Although I think Roethlisberger could lose the game on turnovers here. Steeler fans pray that he throws to more Black & Yellow than Red & Gold

at Arizona: W
Arizona and SF are two teams with enormous potential for upsets but the battle of the old Steelers (Wisenhunt) vs. the new Steelers (Tomlin) goes to the newbie

Seattle: L
the 4-0 start gets to Big Ben's head as he tries to do too much against a good team. Wake up guys your schedule is about to get messy.

BYE WEEK

at Denver: L
On the road in Mile High after a bye week, this becomes the war of attrition. Which QB can turn the ball over the least. The answer is Jay Cutler, but he has Champ Bailey and Dre Bly to thank for that.

at Cincinnati: L
The hits just keep on coming, in a battle of 4-2 teams, this match up defines the rest of each team's season. Cincinnati wins and uses it as motivation to close out the year, Pittsburgh loses while looking forward to Monday night against the Ravens.

Baltimore (Monday Night Football): L
Closer than you may think, but Baltimore is the new elite in the AFCN and they show why here. McGahee pounds the Steelers on the ground and the veteren Baltimore D raises questions about Ben's decision making abilities.

Cleveland: W
um, next...

at NY Jets: W
The J-E-T-S show why they were a flash in the pan last year.

Miami (Monday Night Football): W
The Porter return to Miami doesn't mean much as the Steelers roll. Showing the Dolphins that the AFC East is the second worst division in the NFL.

Cincinnati: W
Ok, just so I'm not accused of being too much of a Bengals homer... Cincy loses in Pittsburgh.

at New England: L
New England has its eyes set on another deep playoff run and they don't care that Pittsburgh is on a 4 game win streak or that Mike Tomlin really wants to win.

Jacksonville: L
Jacksonvile finishes here where they couldn't against the Steelers last year. Their defense is enough to shut down Pittsburgh's shaky new offense

at St. Louis: W
While fierce at home (*snicker*) the rams don't have an answer on defense for Willie Parker, especially in the fast dome

at Baltimore: L
Season ends in Baltimore, the Ravens crush the Steelers hopes of a 10 win first season under Mike Tomlin.

9-7 on the couch in January

My Bengals Pre-Preseason Picks

2007-07-22T19:14:00.000-07:00

Baltimore-W
Too much adrenaline in prime time. The Ravens have to adjust to life without Adalius Thomas and with Willis McGahee. Steve McNair shows his age here.

@ Cleveland-W
Who's going to win the QB battle? No matter what they're all still losers. Could be a career day for Bengals on both sides of the ball

@ Seattle-L
West coast travel and potential for a miserable rainy game leaves the Bengals hung out to dry.

New England-L
Lets face it, New England knows how to win. Maroney ran all over the place last year and with the Pats' improvements on offense and defense, it doesn't look like a good day for the Who-Deys

@ Kansas City-W
The bye week gives Marvin a chance to pull it together. After going 2-2 the boys show their mental toughness and win a tough one on the road, showing KC it was a bad idea to get rid of Trent Green. Larry Johnson is all that separates the Bengals D from the second shut-out of the year (I'm looking at you Cleveland). I predict the defense scores more than the offense here.

Jets-W
Overrated coach shows his true colors. Bengals are on a roll and want to build momentum for the Steelers game.

Pittsburgh-W
Mike Tomlin opens up the playbook and unleashes Roethlisberger in the no-huddle which turns into no-offensive performance by the Steelers. Oh, and Ahmad Brooks and Ed Hartwell give Santonio Holmes payback across the middle.

@ Buffalo-W
I actually had to take a trip to the bills website to see who they had at RB this year, turns out that unless Lee Evans can touch the ball on every play on offense and defense, this should be and easy victory... Can you feel the chill in the air?

@ Baltimore-L
Cincinnati's 4 game winning streak ends in Baltimore. TJ gets too cocky and Chris Henry's first game back from suspension proves to be lack-luster to say the least.

Arizona-W
With Larry Fitzgerald & Anquan Boldin at his side, Matt Leinart puts on an offensive display, but the lack of a run game serves as this Trojan's Achilles Heel. Carson shows Matt a thing or two about winning.

Tennessee-L
The Bengals always find a way to lose at least one easy one. This is that game. Vince Young pulls one out of his ass for the Titans upset.

@ Pittsburgh-L
I don't want to say loss here, but Heinz Field in December. I just have a bad feeling about this game.

St. Louis-W
No speed turf+no dome+Old Torry Holt+Old Marc Bulger+Rocking Paul Brown Stadium in sub-zero temp= Bengals Win. On the bright side, Steven Jackson shows why he's a star.

@ San Francisco-W
Another prime-time game, another prime-time performance. The Bengals need every win here to stay in the playoff hunt. This year they have the leadership to right the ship.

@ Cleveland-W
Again, unless all starters are injured this should be an easy win. *Note* This game may replace Tennessee for the easy-victory loss.

@ Miami-W
Levi Jones has a vendetta, the league did not suspend Joey Porter over the mugging incident. Trent Green is getting old and with no real receivers to throw to, he's going to spend a lot of time on the grass (Ricky Williams' ears just perked up). Bengals win a big one to send them to the playoffs.

Total 11-5 and in the playoffs

My Day With the Bengals

2007-06-29T06:11:00.000-07:00

The following is an account of the events I witnessed during my trip to Cincinnati Bengals OTA (Organized Team Activities) session & stadium tour.

Understand that my day started at my house in Toledo, Ohio to make the trek to the Mecca of Bengaldom (exactly 201 miles according to Google maps). No amount of anticipation during the 2 hour and 30 minute drive could have prepared me for the day to come. My first view of Paul Brown Stadium from I-75 was breathtaking. Being a season ticket holder, I've seen PBS many times during the fall and winter months but there is something extra special when football is in the air in June. I made my way to the stadium offices and waited in the lobby where I was met by bittersweet feelings as I gazed into the display cases on the wall proudly revealing two Lamar Hunt Trophies heralding both the 1981 and 1988 seasons. Soon after, our tour guide, Andy Ware, came to whisk us away to a world that most fans never get to see.

At this point I was feeling the jubilant awe of a child's first trip to Disneyland...

Everything inside the stadium's front office seemed awesome (in the Biblical sense of the word), from the bathrooms to meeting rooms, offices to hallways… Yes, I had seen these common business essentials before in other places but this was The Cincinnati Bengals copy machine.

As we toured the stadium’s various game-viewing areas (Club Section, Press Box, Replay Booth etc.) our tour guide entertained us with interesting insider tid-bits such as where John Clayton and other ESPN celebs sit when their in town or how the room is mostly quiet during games until Geoff Hobson reacts to various on-field happenings. Right now, I’m thinking that we could end the tour; head home and all would be more than worth the journey. As practice time neared we took the mammoth elevators (Side Note: Guys like Anthony Munoz, Willie Anderson and Andrew Whitworth can’t just squeeze into your garden variety elevators, right?) down to the security station near the player’s locker room.

This, my friends, is where the magic happens.

Players trickle out of the locker room in pairs and groups. Some notes at this point: Andrew Whitworth: Man this guy is HUGE, not fat but he’s a very big boy. His upper body looks like it was whittled from one large hunk of steel and his head must be at least a size 8 or larger. This guy looks like Ivan Drago swallowed Rocky Balboa and then went back to Rocky III and ate Thunder Lips as well. He has the constant “I must break you” look. Needless to say I had to back up to take any semblance of a picture.
Leon Hall: This guy looks focused as he walks out of the tunnel and out of view. He’s got that moxie look that you want from a 1st round pick determined to do what he can to turn around a lack-luster defense. I breathe a sigh of relief.
Shayne Graham: He has a grin on his face, he’s happy to play football and ready for another day at the office. I notice that he seems to have unusually large arms for someone whose main source of income is his leg…weird.
Justin Smith: He’s walking with several other D-linemen (Geathers & Peko come to mind, among others). Regardless of your opinion of his on-field play, this guy was classy the whole day. It was refreshing to see most of the D-line walking out together eerily like Wyatt Earp & crew in Tombstone. I breathe a second (slightly larger) sigh of relief.
Carson Palmer: As I see him appear from the locker room my stomach is in my throat. I’m trembling at this point. As I fumble to grab my camera he starts to walk by… I can’t remember what happened next, I really think I blacked out for a second. The only real proof that I have of seeing Carson in that instant is a blurry off-center photo of him walking by the frame.

By now most of the player have made their way out to the practice field so we decide to head out. Following us was newly acquired veteran Linebacker Ed Hartwell who stopped just outside the gates to sign a child’s autograph before heading across the street.

Once inside the gates we see players participating in light position drills and general warm-up routines. The clicking of cleats behind me grabs my attention as Rudi Johnson heads through the gates and onto the field. He looks relaxed and surprisingly well groomed for a 228-pound, linebacker-bruising tailback. He looks like he’s ready for a night on the town not a full day of football. “He makes this look easy”, I thought. Not far behind him was Chad Johnson, lightly jogging and joking with anyone he came in contact with. As he trotted by us he flashed his charismatic gold smile and all I could think was “this is going to be fun”.

I staked out a position on the east side of the field snapping pictures of different drills I went. 300-pound o-linemen gracefully performing shuffling and footwork techniques, linebackers fielding simulated errant passes, running backs perfecting different cuts in slow motion, it wall all too much to take in. Even without pads on, these guys were larger than life. The action stopped in an instant at the sound of an air horn blast. To our left free safety, Dexter Jackson, was making his way to the group carrying the air horn. “Defensive leadership”, said, randomly, letting out my third sigh of relief.

For the next few minutes the players stretched as a team, defense on the left, offense on the right. There were few side conversations going on as players and coaches made pre-practice small talk only to be interrupted by Chad screaming “Hey JJ!” as Jeremi Johnson entered the field in a long sleeve windbreaker and winter cap. Someone standing near us told me that Jeremi has been working with the strength and conditioning coaches on a rehab plan, still, its good to see him putting in the time. The only other observation at this point is a curious little wiry offensive player with dreadlocks wearing full-length orange spandex. “Who is #18?” I asked, not knowing that would be the theme for the rest of the day. More on that later…

The horn sounds and players scramble to their next drill. On the south field the quarterbacks and Receivers work together on routes. On the north field Defensive Backs were doing drills of their own. Kyle Larson was punting on the west “turf” field while Shayne and Jeremi worked with the strength and conditioning coach. Two players stood out at this moment, Leon Hall and Keiwan Ratliff. Both have been knocked for their speed and both seemed to be moving at the same pace as everyone else throughout the course of the day.

As I turned to the south field to check out the receivers, an orange and white blip was flying through the air parallel to the ground laying out for an off target pass. “Who is #18?” I ask again, aloud, to no one in particular as this mysterious stocky, dreadlocked receiver made his way back to the end of the line amid congratulatory high-fives. As the next horn sounded Carson and Chad didn’t quite connect on a pass. This prompted Carson to sprint out to Chad. I need to tell you this was and unforgettable moment. Carson Palmer showing Chad Johnson how to run his route correctly. Carson mimicked the moves needed to properly time the route in an awkward fish-out-of-water fashion. Don’t get me wrong, I think Carson Palmer is an amazing athlete, but his “quarterback coordination” is different than Chad’s “wide receiver coordination”… very different.

Just when I thought things couldn’t get any better, we were witness to the WR/DB 1 on 1 drills.
Leon Hall vs. Chad Johnson: Chad juked off the line leaving Hall stumbling out of the blocks. Chad made a hard fake right about 5-7 yards down the field and then cut left to the middle of the field (poetry in motion) then out of nowhere our rookie 1st round pick recovered to punch the ball away leaving Chad frustrated and the rest of us on the defensive sideline amazed.
Skyler Green vs. Marvin White: Finally someone shouts the name “Green” and the mystery of #18 is solved. According to the roster on the team’s official website Green stands 5’9” (maybe counting his helmet and cleats) 190 pounds (maybe with pads on) and White stands 6’1” 199 (an undersized estimate if you ask me). White towers over Green and looks like he’s going to be a bruiser once he finally sees some live snaps. Green, on the other hand, takes off from the line of scrimmage (I swear his hair makes him look faster) cuts to the middle and back to the outside leaving White chewing on grass, burnt biting on the first move. That play caused a commotion on the sidelines and left me repeating the question of the day, “who is #18?” One other note from that drill: I know Gregg Guenther is 6’-8” so this may seem like an obvious statement but he is one tall dude. Come to think of it, so is Carson Palmer.

The horn sounded and I caught my first glimpse of Marvin Lewis talking with ESPN’s Chris Mortensen and Cincinnati native, Tom Jackson. This is also where we were introduced to, Bengals.com editor, Geoff Hobson. I must have missed the memo on Hawaiian shirt day since Hobson, Jackson and Mortensen were all sporting tropical threads… I digress… Some further pleasantries were exchanged between our group and some of the Bengals front office staff watching the various drills. This continued until the horn sounded yet again and we made our way to the north side of the practice area to observe the full 11 on 11 drills. A couple of things caught my eye:
Rudi Johnson: Not much to do for a running back during non-contact drills. He caught a few passes but not much else. Good… rest those legs Rudi; you’ll see plenty of action over the next 6-8 months.
Ed Hartwell & Dexter Jackson: Looks like Hartwell’s going to be an intimidating force at linebacker. Combine him with Dexter Jackson and you have a great mix of veteran leadership on defense. These two were talking and mixing it up with the offense the entire time. Skyler Green caught a ball over the middle and Hartwell gave him a two-hand tap and a loudly yelled “BOOM!” as if to indicate that, with pads on, there would be a much different result to that play. These two seemed to be on a mission to rewrite public opinion of the Bengals defense.
Marvin Lewis: Throughout most of practice I noticed Marvin on the outskirts watch carefully, allowing his assistant coaches to do their work. Every once and a while he would call a player over, at times he would issue a public reprimand or praise. There was a silent leadership present at all times, it was almost like the entire practice field itself responded to coach Lewis’ every move.
Carson Palmer: He looks great. Not spectacular. Not trying to set the world on fire. His throws were on target, he’s moving well. Very fluid. Here is a man who realizes that this is the beginning of June and the season is a marathon not a sprint. He’s got a swagger folks…

Practice concluded with the punt team and then another group stretch. At this time some local school kids were filing in to the outside of the field. As the players were gathered around Marvin for a quick group talk I the opportunity to get a few photos with Tom Jackson and Chris Mortensen. After the group broke away, players spent a few minutes signing autographs as the press zeroed in on Marvin. On the way off the field, players took the time to take pictures and sign autographs for just about everyone who asked. We trailed behind the pack of players to catch Marvin Lewis and Dexter Jackson posing for pictures with the few stragglers waiting outside the gates.

We walked back down the tunnel to lunch and continued our tour of the inner workings of the stadium. The experience was amazing, the players, administration and coaches were very courteous and welcoming. Even now I am still amazed at the events of the day and I can’t wait to see the Orange and Black take the field Monday night. After witnessing all that happened during practice and afterwards I am convinced that we have a team committed to winning for the community. There’s a new attitude in Cincinnati.

Who Dey

Another Reason Why Women Confuse Me

2007-06-28T11:46:00.000-07:00

Ladies, imagine overhearing your boyfriend/husband/significant other on the phone with someone else and it sounds something like this:

"Honey why you calling me so late? It's kinda hard to talk right now.
Honey why are you crying? Is everything okay? I gotta whisper 'cause I
can't be too loud.

Well, my girl's in the next room. Sometimes I wish she was you.
I guess we never really moved on.

It's really good to hear your voice say my name, it sounds so sweet.
Coming from the lips of an angel, hearing those words it makes me weak.
And I never wanna say goodbye but girl you make it hard to be faithful, with the
lips of an angel.

It's funny that you're calling me tonight and, yes, I've dreamt of you too.
And does he know you're talking to me? Will it start a fight? No I don't think
she has a clue.

Well my girl's in the next room. Sometimes I wish she was you. I
guess we never really moved on. It's really good to hear your voice say my
name, it sounds so sweet. Coming from the lips of an angel, hearing those
words it makes me weak. And I never wanna say goodbye, but girl you make
it hard to be faithful, with the lips of an angel.

It's really good to hear your voice say my name, it sounds so sweet.
Coming from the lips of an angel, hearing those words it makes me weak.
And I never wanna say goodbye but girl you make it hard to be faithful, with the
lips of an angel."

What would you think? Other than the obvious: "Why is he conducting a conversation verse-chorus-verse-chorus-chorus format?" Would you be happy? Of course not. But if you hear something like this on the radio from a band called Hinder then you'd go nuts for a song like this. While I have to admit (even if it questions my masculinity) that the chorus is catchy, but it presents yet another reason why women confuse the heck out of me. Why do you like this song? Here's the scenario: this song comes on at work, all women between the ages 14-30 within earshot begin cooing and gasping in an effort to display their fondness for this song.

WHY?

This song is about a guy cheating on his significant other with his ex. Why on earth do women like this song? I guess its the same reason that Crazy B**ch is so popular as well as the thousands of rap songs that objectify women.

Respect yourself women. Oh, and please read Rob Bell's new book Sex God, it has awesome insights on the undeniable link between sexuality & spirituality.

New Addition

2007-05-11T08:37:00.000-07:00

I just added a music player to the bottom of the page... let me know what you think... is it a good addition or am I infringing on your ear-space?

Google Maps Have The Answer

2007-05-08T13:05:00.000-07:00

So, I was browsing Google Maps today and I discovered that Google really does know everything. Check this out

Who would have guessd that would be so easy? Seriously, does our military have access to Google? If so we've been wasting millions of dollars...

On Notice

2007-05-04T10:06:00.000-07:00

Who's been "On Notice" this week?

First off, "your mom" is not only the best, most classic comeback of all time, its also very easy to use....(must...resist..."your mom" reference here)...

What's up with people who die and get really large tombstones? I'm not talking about the "I need a big tombstone so I can fit my whole polish last name on it" tombstone. I mean those gigantic obelisks that eclipse everything else in the whole cemetery... You're dead, nobody probably liked you when you were alive and instead of giving that money to charity or to your ungrateful next-of-kin, you decided to waste your dough on a functionless sundial...

Adam "Pacman" Jones... So this is the guy who was involved in a triple shooting in a Las Vegas strip-club, was suspended from the NFL for the entire 2007 season for his role in at least 9 incidents since he was drafted in 2005. Now he's being punished for his actions so you say lets forgive and forget, right? WRONG, now this loser is appealing his suspension, further proving he doesn't get it and he hasn't learned from his mistakes (not that he hasn't had at least 9 opportunities).

Copycat Police Dramas just tick me off and it all started with Law & Order. Now, the producers of said show couldn't stop with just one.... nooooo, the had to keep making more (Special Victims Unit, Criminal Intent, Trial By Jury). When will the madness stop. Now we have all kinds of "legal" & "police procedural" dramas that all look the same, give or take a psychic, a genius mathematician, a cheeky lawyer, an overly dramatic CSI Head Investigator Lieutenant (I'm looking your way Horatio), a quirky computer geek or whatever else you want to "add" to the show to make it "different" from all of the rest.

Men who drink appletinis, you know who you are... just because they "taste good" doesn't mean that you can still be considered a man while drinking one (and especially not in public). Man Law: Any man who witnesses another man ordering an Appletini is required to pour said drink in the lap of the man who ordered it once it arrives. No other explanation is necessary, if you feel words need to be said to break the following awkward silence a firm "you're welcome" is acceptable.

Girls with mustaches: gross... just gross...*next*

"Business Casual": You're just opening up a Pandora's box here... where do we draw the line? How about the gaudy Hawaiian shirts? What about those faux-khaki's that have the zip off bottoms to make shorts? Do you really want to see what that guy from accounting looks like in shorts?

Mouth Breathers: I just love that eerie semi-wheezing sound, part death rattle, part snore.

Hokie News (Update)

2007-04-21T14:42:00.000-07:00

According to this story, now ebay.com kills people. In the story they describe what the Va. Tech gunman bought and sold on Ebay. This isn't news... this is a soap opera.

Hokie News?

2007-04-20T08:44:00.000-07:00

The media disgusts me... even more now than ever. Why on earth are we giving airtime to this psycho? (Story) I think the tragedy is only magnified by the media giving the killer everything he wanted. Not only did he get to act out his horrendous killing spree but now his message is being broadcast on almost every Internet and media outlet available. Public awareness is fine but why are we giving his "manifesto" free publicity? He mailed his package to NBC... of course he wanted it to be broadcast everywhere, now the media has granted his dying wish...sick, just sick. Like one of my friends said to me:

Unfortunately this is yet another example of the media approaching a situation not with dignity and respect, but rather with a morbid curiosity that diverts attention from the victims and places the killer on a pedestal for everyone to examine. This individual needs no further public examination...his act alone was enough to convince any rational person that he was a deranged psychopath. Why give him the spotlight? Why spread his message of hate and violence? We have a responsibility to the families in this tragedy to HELP them heal, not to create some kind of sick soap opera. The media's coverage is resulting in angst instead of healing, indifference instead of aid, and fear instead of hope.

Now to those who share this guy's psychosis, he's a martyr and just like Columbine the media is describing to all potential domestic terrorists how to take revenge on your local school or office. Now they all have assurance that their message will be heard by the world

A Real Sinner

2007-04-14T12:48:00.000-07:00

The Dante's Inferno Test has banished you to the Second Level of Hell!
Here is how you matched up against all the levels:

Level	Score
Purgatory (Repenting Believers)	High
Level 1 - Limbo (Virtuous Non-Believers)	Very Low
Level 2 (Lustful)	Very High
Level 3 (Gluttonous)	Low
Level 4 (Prodigal and Avaricious)	Low
Level 5 (Wrathful and Gloomy)	High
Level 6 - The City of Dis (Heretics)	Very Low
Level 7 (Violent)	Very High
Level 8- the Malebolge (Fraudulent, Malicious, Panderers)	High
Level 9 - Cocytus (Treacherous)	High

Take the Dante's Divine Comedy Inferno Test

I took this test on a whim but I guess its a good idea for those of us "hypothetical sinners". Of course, my first reaction was to say "wow at least I'm not gluttonous, prodigal, avaricious or a heretic" (whatever the heck all of that means). I guess when I think I'm doing pretty good at this "Christian living" thing, I need to remember that I still have a long way to go.

Little Chocolate Crosses

2007-04-06T17:38:00.000-07:00

Everyone probably asked the question at one point or another we all reach that moment in their young lives where we question what colored eggs and confused rabbits have to do with the resurrection of Jesus. Even the name "Easter" probably derives its origins from the Anglo-Saxon goddess of fertility, Eostre.

During the consumer driven Christmas season you probably also questioned the relevance of a fat man in a red suit delivering presents around a dead evergreen tree littered with lights. Yes, the secret is out, most of the holiday traditions we hold near and dear to our hearts have pagan (or simply, non-Christian) origins.

But what does that mean?

So far it seems skeptics have decided to use theses holiday add-ons as a basis for their contempt for Christianity as a whole. Since we paint eggs and pass out chocolate bunnies, Christ was not raised from the dead, right? Or since we decorate dead trees with lights and top them with a "pagan" pentagram, God did wasn't born of a virgin as Jesus here to save us from our sins.

I digress...

This leads me on a journey of perspective... Hundreds of years from now, I wonder what the modern skeptics will say about the state of the church in 2007. Maybe they will see the addition of the "devil's music" to popular Christian worship services the same way we now see the Easter Bunny and Santa. After all, it wasn't too long ago that the official position of the church was to discourage individuals from reading the Bible.

Luckily, Christianity has been trying to find ways to stay relevant to the culture of the time. All of these elements were added to make the transition to following Christ easier for believers of different (mostly pagan) religions. To me, its only natural to draw the conclusion to Christian rock. Using rock/pop/rap (whatever) to appeal to the current culture is just our generations way of adapting the secular culture to the church.

Note: I said "adapt" not "change"...

The basic precepts of Christianity do not change, but the way we present Christ to people needs to continue to evolve and adapt to new generations of people. Sure, Easter peeps and the Christmas season's slow assimilation of all other winter and late fall holidays may be taking it too far but I never said all "Contemporary Christian Music" was good either...

Colbert Satire

2007-04-02T11:08:00.000-07:00

I love my Church, and I'm a Catholic who was raised by intellectuals, who were very devout. I was raised to believe that you could question the Church and still be a Catholic. What is worthy of satire is the misuse of religion for destructive or political gains. That's totally different from the Word, the blood, the body and the Christ. His kingdom is not of this earth.

-Steven Colbert

Wow, that is an amazing quote. This is one of those cases where you realize that this guy gets it. Sure his show (the Colbert Report) is packed full of satire and often times makes fun of religous pundits and activity but as you can see, Colbert gets it... the items worthy of satire derive from man not Christ.

Eviction Notice

2007-03-27T12:00:00.000-07:00

We were served an eviction notice a long time ago. The world, as we know it, is not our home. Its hard to recognize it sometimes, but in other situations it is painstakingly clear... I am a nomad - a vagabond - roaming through existence with an intrinsic sense that there is more to this life. We've known it since birth:

"We were born into a world, into a condition, of disconnection. Things were created to be a certain way, and they're not that way, and we feel it in every fiber of our being. Is this why the first thing newborns do is cry?"

- Sex God by Rob Bell

My body was sheltered in a perfectly serene place where God's way rules. We were in the womb of creation. Always nurtured with everything we needed at our disposal. Since the first time man tasted the fruit of the vine, our eyes have been open to the painful labor and birth from our sanctuary, our safe-haven. The sheltering, protective love of God is gone. Our aborted fate has been redeemed but now we know of (and are susceptible to) disease, death, destruction and pain. The air of this world suddenly is not as fresh. As Dr. Shuch writes:

"I was not so much evicted
From the Garden of Eden
As led out unceremoniously,
By the nose.
For it wasn't seeking knowledge
Which led me to the tree
But rather the aroma of the fruit
Which can only be described as, well, fruity.
That aroma proved to be mankind's undoing.
When I'd tasted of this fruit,
The Almighty, as is written,
With a mighty hand and outstretched arm
Afflicted me with allergy of inhalants.
It was the garden's blossoms,
All the flowers, trees, and shrubs,
Not the wrath of the Creator,"

With that, in an instant, the air is lacking its essence... the very pleasant aroma of the flowers brings me to pain. The weather is never quite right. The Earth and mankind groan in a dissident harmony with postpartum depression.

I'm still longing for the time spent with God in the cool of the day with no stress, no job, no bills to pay... Just a simple call to love God, to love one another and to be the care-taker of creation. It is longing that inspires me to change, to draw attention to the eviction notice... to announce to the world that we are the prodigal sons & daughters of the universe and there is a better life out there. Our Father is waiting to welcome us home with jubilation and open arms

(Inspired by a post on churchinverted.com)

Some Questions to Ponder

2007-03-27T10:51:00.000-07:00

I ran across these questions from Craig Groechel's Blog that every church leader needs to examine in their own ministry

1. If you weren't on staff at your church, would you worship there?
2. If you didn't know ANYTHING about Jesus, what would you know about him after a normal weekend at your church?
3. If you had a loved one who didn't know Christ, and they had one week left to live, would you take them to your church or another?

Throwing Stones

2007-03-20T12:39:00.000-07:00

I have been really thinking about this subject lately, in fact it was the topic of my rant in the most recent episode of Element: C3, which, if you haven't heard it yet, you should. Its awesome...

Anyway, I've been really struggling with this idea of people who throw stones and run away.

What I mean to say is, these people who are all about dominating you with their belief and wanting nothing to do with what anyone else has to say. I fall victim to their trap all the time, the stone thrower is looking for you to engage him (or her) in conversation so they can continue to play the broken record over and over, trying to convince you that you're wrong.

I really respect Rob Bell's response to criticisms that he's received from various people over his views on Christianity:

"Some people, no matter what you say, have a hardness of heart and aren’t going to change. Please be very, very careful who you engage with. Some people simply have questions, and simply want to discuss. Wonderful. But some people are miserable, and they use religion as a crutch to avoid dealing with their misery and their pain. And what gets masqueraded as Christian faith is not. And we need to be careful spending all sorts of energy engaging with people who don’t have any interest in coming along on the journey with us. I would ask you before you engage - and there’s nothing wrong with engaging - to perhaps ask, “Could I redirect the energy I’m about to spend towards somebody who’s never, ever heard that God loves them?” And let us be the kind of community who engages in the right kinds of discussions, but otherwise we’re too busy loving people with the transforming love of Christ to engage in the mudslinging that goes on. You are too valuable to me, and your time and your energy, you’re too valuable in our community to end up in some sort of theological kung-fu with somebody who ultimately thinks they’re right. There will always be Pharisees. God’s on the lookout for disciples.”

"There will always be Pharisees. God's on the lookout for disciples" I think that's awesome... Am I using religion as a crutch or am I using it as a powerful tool to discover the deeper meaning of life with others and within the teachings of Christ?

Its madness...MARCH MADNESS!!

2007-03-15T08:47:00.000-07:00

SO its that time of year again and I've made my picks for the big dance, you can view them here. Tell me what you think, am I out of my mind for picking Texas A&M over OSU? I don't think so... Take THAT Thad...

Also, make sure you check out Element: C3, (iTunes) (Online) an exciting project started by my co-conspirator Jered, and I. As always you can find my mobile phone blog here.

Morally Awake

2007-03-14T15:39:00.000-07:00

So there's this new study (link) saying that sleep deprivation may lead to a lack of moral fortitude. Basically a bunch of otherwise healthy soldiers were asked a series of questions ranging from simple situations to challenging moral dilemmas with the options "appropriate" or "inappropriate". Their answers were logged and they were then sleep deprived (kept awake) for 53 hours (a little more than 2 days) straight. The volunteers were then asked the same questions again, this time the morally challenging questions took longer for them to answer and in some cases their answers reflected a wavering from their previous answers.

Interesting...

Reading further I found out that those volunteers who scored high in morality when polled before the deprivation did not waiver on what they found morally appropriate.

What does this say about our sense of morality? People who have strong morals to begin with are more likely to stick to their guns under pressure. Could we expand that to show the importance of parenting? Will people who are raised with a strong moral conviction be more likely to stick to it later in life? Less likely to fall victim to peer pressure? I don't know...

1/4 of the way through nothing

2007-03-03T08:09:00.000-08:00

10 days ago I started a spending fast for lent (link). After almost one quarter of the way through, I've run the gambit of emotions...

Day 1: The sound of the Pepsi machine outside my door is borderline unbearable. I work in a place where kids are around all of the time. Why God, why do those little brats have so much money? And why do they insist on buying beverages every 5 minutes? (first emotion, anger) This continues until I leave around 5pm.

Once I got home I see that my last pre-fast ebay purchase has arrived Atmosfear the DVD board game... I am overjoyed and all is right with the world (second emotion joy & hope).

Day 2: First off, I was late to work because of an alarm clock malfunction and that didn't make the Pepsi machine situation any better... this time the torture is compounded by the fact that I did not bring anything for lunch and I have made this stupid pact to not buy fast-food for myself... (anger & remorse) But the thought or driving to the local grocery store to buy cold cuts and bread seems to be too labor intensive (now the depression sets in).

Day 3: Its Friday, the work life gets easier since my wanton desire to purchase a Code Red Mt. Dew (pause for amorous reflection and drooling...cue Wayne's World "Dream Weaver" sequence) was subsided by the ammount of free food available at work today (manna from heaven as far as I'm concerned)

Later we hit up a wine tasting at Vino 100 which is ok since its a group event. I did resist the urge to buy a bottle of wine and Burger King, opting instead to make myself a sandwich at home...but those french fries did smell good (jealousy setting in, and maybe a hint of covetousness).

Next, the group heads out to see the Number 23, I had movie passes so no purchases were made.

Days 4 & 5: Jered, being the great and supportive friend that he is, tempts me several times by telling my how many cool things are going on sale at his store later this month. What a pal... (Sarcasm...is that even an emotion?)

Day 6: Lunch is no problem and neither is my beloved Code Red. I brought a friend down to work and she offered to buy me both! (Sweet!). Slowly I realize that a totally unplanned, but, awesome side-effect of not buying anything new is an increase in charity from other people... nice.

I also rented a video game... I didn't get the same satisfying feeling as I do when I buy a video game...

Day 7: I slipped... I was STARVING (not literally but I was in pain) so I went against my better judgement and bought myself Taco Bell (Guilt)... it wouldn't be right for me not to admit where I messed up... I feel like I've betrayed Jesus (more guilt), I should just stop this stupid fast anyway, besides I can still hold to my annual fast of WNBA and Women's College Basketball (justification, not an emotion but still...).

At our weekly Bible Study (held at Max & Erma's, but hey its bible study so its ok) I decide to get back on the horse and continue my shopping fast. To my surprise I've only browsed ebay twice in the past week and it was only because of Satan's tempting (really it was Jered, but close enough) me into looking up prices for a hookah. (don't ask...)

Day 8: Another Thursday goes by and there are more kids that mock me with every beverage purchase, but this time I am busy with work so their attempts go virtually unnoticed. (Side note: Abby rewards my spending freeze by making AWESOME dinners for me...except for the one batch of mashed potatoes that tasted like plastic...but the rest of it was awesome)

Day 9: Jered will not stop singing I'm So Ronery from Team America: World Police. I am so tempted to click the "buy it" button on iTunes, but I resist...for now (jerk) Another wine tasting... and this time I bought wine, which by now is an essential.... but maybe not 3 bottles....

Today is day 10 : I'm really starting to get a grasp on the extremes of my desire to be an uberconsumer. Now, I'm not saying that I'm cured or that I have come to some great revelation. I am still trying to figure this all out, but I know this much, I have a long way to go...

40 days of nothing (new).

2007-02-21T17:00:00.000-08:00

I have decided to take Lent seriously this year, not because I believe in the cerimonial act of half-heartedly "giving up" something that we can otherwise live without. I remember as a non-Christian kid, not knowing what Lent was all about, claiming that I would be giving up homework for the 40 days and furthermore I would be giving it up for the entire school year. I was so humble and self-sacrificing, infact, that I offered to give up chores, bathing and strawberry-banana bubblicious (my least favorite flavor) as well. In later years, still not embracing the true meaning and devotion of the lenten season, I vowed to give up watching women's basketball... both College and the WNBA. You could tell I was serious.

This year I have decided to raise my own personal awareness to the hold consumerism has on my life. Sarting today (Ash Wednesday) I will purchase only necessities for sustenance, health, community and business. I am not trying to preach the gospel of poverty or minimalism, I am not trying to condem others for their spending. I have no illusion that forgoing this DVD or that new article of clothing is going to bring down our consumer culture and I don't even know if I want it to be brought down.

Consumption is social, it happens in a much larger structure than just one individual or community. But it is also personal, once we've met the lowest and most basic of human needs (thank you Maslow), shopping is emotional. For me, the art of purchasing is an emotional experience. At work for instance, if I'm having a bad day I will be drawn in to buying a Mt. Dew Code Red from the vending machine that becons me from just outside my office door. I don't need the Mt. Dew, but I make the purchase anyway. In my mind, the slow and ominous process of a dollar bill being devoured by the machine and the brief pause before the it produces a robust thud gives me pleasure. Usually the cost of consumerism ammounts to a dollar in a vending machine here and there but there are times when I feel phsically depressed if I don't have an ebay purchase on its way to my house. The spending frenzy was very appearent on Monday night, I was on the computer while two of my friends (Jered & Sara) were talking about how cool Nightmare: The Video Board Game was on VHS and how they wished we had it now. Of course I did what any other rational, frugal human being would have done in that situation: I found it on ebay in DVD format and made the "buy it now" purchase... and in an instant, I felt better about life.

I am not sure of the actual "rules" for this purchasing fast but hopefully it will become more appearant as the days go on. Starting from this moment I am going to face the marketing machine head on and uncover a hidden addiction in my life. Starting now I am not going to give into my impulse-buying habits...right after I buy that Mt. Dew.

Icicles of death

2007-02-18T13:00:00.001-08:00

This was what greeted us today when we debated the prospects of "weathering" the ramp before service, of course we had to take matters in our own hands and knock them all down... hillarity ensued.

How to scare people with your doctrine! (Part. 1)

2007-02-16T17:37:00.000-08:00

Here is the first part of a recent article from wayofthemasterradio.com which I find interesting and I respond to below. Some of these questions are good and some are out right ludacris (my responses are in Orange:

Questions that will save you a lot of Sundays [pdf]
Looking for a good church? Church-shopping can be a long and painful process. To shorten your search, call the pastor of the church before you visit and ask the
following questions. This might save you a lot of Sundays.

1. What is man’s biggest problem, sin or self esteem? Seeker sensitive and felt-needs churches focus on man’s hurts and problems. The Bible says that man’s biggest problem is sin.

I agree here for the most part, although I would argue that man's biggest problem is a separation from God in general and not just "sin"

2. What must a man do to inherit eternal life? Repent and trust is the Biblical answer. If the word “repent” is never used, say, “Thank you.”

Actually Luke 10:25-28 says simply:

On one occasion an expert in the law stood up to test Jesus. "Teacher," he asked, "what must I do to inherit eternal life?" “What is written in the Law?" he replied. "How do you read it?"
He answered: " 'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind'; and, 'Love your neighbor as yourself.'"
"You have answered correctly," Jesus replied. "Do this and you will live"

Then Jesus goes on to explain about how everyone is our neighbor etc. etc.

John 6:53-54 explains that we need communion to inherit eternal life.

John 8:51 says that those who obey the words of Christ will "never see death."

John 12:25-26 talks about self-denial and servanthood will have eternal life

And those are just the scriptures where Jesus mentions "eternal life" directly. I find it interesting that the author of this list chose to emphasize REPENTANCE above all...

3. How do you deliver the salvation message? Ask the pastor to describe specifically what he says. Does he encourage people to simply say a prayer? Does he tell people to ask Jesus into their hearts? The salvation message should include: God’s holiness, man’s sinfulness, God’s response (hell), God’s kindness (Jesus on a cross), man’s response (repentance and faith).

I could go on for hours on the "salvation message"... "Ask the pastor to describe specifically what he says" does that mean that we need to have a scripted "salvation message" for the heathens and the unchurched? Is there a magic word? Do you think that the right words will woo them over to the Jesus side? And how do you think that conversation will go with said pastor?

I love the 5 "universal" steps to salvation... Jesus was right in the middle of planning his nationwide book tour when that darn crucifixon ruined that idea...

I would say that this question, itself, in our modern context, tends to indicate/emphasize ‘the age to come’, or focus only on the eternal. It seems, at times, like some of us would be content to just lock ourselves up in our churches and wait for Jesus instead of bringing the Kingdom of Heaven here on Earth. Jesus didn't tell us to "go and make disciples of all nations" so that we could all sit around idle until the "rapture".

4. How hard is it to become a Christian?The “formula” is
simple, doing it is not. It is not easy to believe.

This is one subject that I'm torn on... If by "formula" they mean the steps outlined in #3 then you know what I think about that situation. Otherwise, I think this is the first one they have on the right track. I agree its simple to make a decision to follow Christ but the act of following Christ is a long, tough journey.

5. How often do you talk about sin, righteousness and
judgment? Balance is key. This should not be the only emphasis, but
it should be a regular emphasis.

Right, balance is key... If Jesus were here today in our time, I wonder if we would be more likely to see Him standing with a megaphone on the corner , telling people about the fire and pain that awaits them, emphasizing sin, righteousness & judgement or would we see Him passing the jacket He was wearing to the homeless, crippled man on the corner, with no thought of thanks, and offering to buy the man a meal as He cultivated a relationship with him. I believe that Christ loved people first and addressed sin, righteousness & judgement on a personal level with them.

Which is more of an honest response from a person of free will?… 1. To “convert” to Christianity out of fear of Hell. Thus reducing the loving relationship we were CREATED for, to a shallow, eternal quid pro quo agreement. 2. To SHOW them the love of Christ, to let them know that they are a special and unique creation of God, and that God LOVES them so much that He came in human form to suffer through the same temptations and struggles as the rest of us so that all who believe in Him, and follow His word (and repentance is necessary for that to happen) will spend eternity in the presence of God.

Stay tuned to part 2 of our series...

Some quotes...

2007-01-23T13:45:00.000-08:00

Here are some quotes that are speaking to me at the moment... read them, love them, learn from them.

"Sooner or later you just figure out that there are some guys who don't believe in God and they can prove He doesn't exist, and some other guys who do believe in God and they can prove He does exist, and the argument stopped being about God a long time ago and now its about who's smarter, and honestly I don't care."

"It is always the simple things that change our lives. And these things never happen when you are looking for them to happen. Life will reveal answers at the pace life wishes to do so. You feel like running, but life is on a stroll. This is how God does things."

"I started wondering whether we could actually change the world. I mean, of course we could. We could change our buying habits, elect socially conscious representatives and that sort of thing, but I honestly dont believe we will be solving the greater human conflict with our efforts. The problem is not a certain type of legislation or even a certain politician; the problem is the same that it has always been. I am the problem."

-Donald Miller

"I can accept failure, but I can't accept not trying."

"I've failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed."

"If you accept the expectations of others, especially negative ones, then you never will change the outcome. "

-Michael Jordan

"Clarity is good, but sometimes intrigue may be even more precious; clarity tends to put an end to further thinking, whereas intrigue makes one think more intensely, broadly, and deeply. Jesus' teaching on the kingdom of God is a case in point; his parables don't score too well on clarity, but they excel in intrigue."

"I don't believe making disciples must equal making adherents to the Christian religion. It may be advisable in many (not all!) circumstances to help people become followers of Jesus and remain within their Buddhist, Hindu, or Jewish contexts."

"Are our churches and broadcasts and books and organizations merely creating religious consumers of religious products and programs? Are we creating a self-isolating, self-serving, self-perpetuating, self-centered subculture instead of a world-penetrating (like salt and light), world-serving (focused on 'the least and the lost,' those Jesus came to seek and save), world-transforming (like yeast in bread), God-centered (sharing God's love for the whole world) counterculture?"

-Brian McLaren

"When people use the word hell, what do they mean? They mean a place, an event, a situation absent of how God desires things to be. Famine, debt, oppression, loneliness, despair, death, slaughter--they are all hell on earth. Jesus' desire for his followers is that they live in such a way that they bring heaven to earth. What's disturbing is when people talk more about hell after this life than they do about Hell here and now. As a Christian, I want to do what I can to resist hell coming to earth."

"I don't follow Jesus because I think Christianity is the best religion. I follow Jesus because he leads me into ultimate reality. He teaches me to live in tune with how reality is. When Jesus said, "No one comes to the Father except through me," he was saying that his way, his words, his life is our connection to how things truly are at the deepest levels of existence. For Jesus then, the point of religion is to help us connect with ultimate reality, God.

-Rob Bell

"I came to the conclusion long ago … that all religions were true and also that all had some error in them, and whilst I hold by my own, I should hold others as dear as Hinduism. So we can only pray, if we are Hindus, not that a Christian should become a Hindu … But our innermost prayer should be a Hindu should be a better Hindu, a Muslim a better Muslim, a Christian a better Christian."

"God has no religion "

"We must respect other religions, even as we respect our own. Mere tolerance thereof is not enough."

"I like your Christ. I do not like your Christians. Your Christians are so unlike your Christ."

-Gandhi

Socially Conservative (w/out the suppressed antisemitism)

2007-01-16T13:41:00.000-08:00

I remember growing up liberal, I was in 3rd grade and I decided that I was pro-choice. I also decided at 5 years old that Michael Dukakis should be our next president over George H.W. Bush. Later in life I was caught in the grip of Christian Fundamentalism and took a radical "right-wing" agenda.

A quick aside: Why is it that those who are strong believers and subscribers to the church of evolution and "survival of the fittest" are most often liberals, who by nature, advocate a lesser form of socialism rather than capitalism which leads to social Darwinism or an economic "survival of the fittest"? And what about the "religious right" claiming to be on the side of the Savior, who's first-century followers practiced a communal living style that was reminiscent of socialism, while at the same time exploiting all that capitalism has to offer, comfortably seated in their mega-churches shouting damnation at the masses the whole time seeming eerily pharisaic.

I guess that wasn't such a "short" aside...sorry

Slowly over the last 5 years I feel like I stepped off of the conservative train to take a look around and it left me at the station...

I'm now struggling in the middle of "no-label land"

What I mean is, I don't see my self heading back the other way to "liberal" and I'm not sure that I can keep going to my "conservative" destination. I still inevitably vote for the Republican even though its more like the lesser of two evils. I guess I'm a mixture of parties, a political mutt if you will.

I consider myself pro-life ever since the addition of my adopted sister who's biological mother, if given the same "choice" in her native Russia, would have probably chosen abortion. In the same breath I used to say that I supported the death penalty. Which never seemed to be a contradiction at the time but now (after taking my departure from the "Conservative Express") it seems that I should be against capital punishment.

Now its not as easy as it seems... Am I sad that Saddam Hussein was put to death....yes and no. I am sad that a human being, created by God lost his life and I know deep down inside that his sentence was probably not in line with God. But did I do my fair share of thinking that he deserved it... yes.

My guess is that God doesn't have a political party, as Rick McKinley says the best form of government is a benevolent dictatorship. We really can't imagine that, can we? How refreshing would that be to have someone with ultimate and supreme power in control that loves us enough to send his only Son (I'll skip the rest, there will be an alter call later to the tune of "Just as I am", but make sure you place your offering in the box before you come up)

Seriously though, imagine a world under the rule of someone who's main concern is our well-being, who always acted in our best interest, and not just our frivolous wants and material desires.

Man, that would be cool, but until that happens I'll be over here struggling with my labellessness

It's the end of the world as we know it...and I feel fine

2006-12-06T13:33:00.000-08:00

What is the world coming to? Taking "under God" out of the pledge, removing "in God we trust" from our money, not allowing the Ten Commandments on federal property, outlawing prayer in school. It seems Christianity is under attack.

Good.

Maybe that's the way it needs to be. "Christianity" is mainstream now, its a part of pop culture. Its so mainstream that now "Christians" are getting up in arms over this Congressman Keith Ellison taking his oath on the Qu'ran instead of the Bible (Story).
"Conservative radio commentator Dennis Prager stoked the flames this week by writing that "America, not Keith Ellison, decides what book a Congressman takes his oath on."

Prager challenged Ellison to either take his oath using the Bible or "not serve" in Congress. He said swearing on the Qu'ran, "undermines American civilization."

The American Family Association issued an electronic action alert to its members across the nation, calling attention to Prager's article. The organization also urged its followers to write their members of Congress, demanding that a bill be passed naming the Bible the only book that can be used in oaths.

Ellison's transition team has been bombarded with e-mail messages, most of them hateful in tone, attacking Islam, the Qu'ran and especially Ellison. The Ellison staff forwarded some of them to KARE 11 News.

"You worthless human being," began one. It continued by saying, "Your actions will play well with your terrorist buddies."

Another declared, "the devil is ruling."

"Shame on you!" said one writer, who added, "I think you want to serve the Muslim call to destroy our nation."

"You are using political correctness to push down the heritage of America," said one contributor.

"This country was not created on religion but on Christianity.""

Is this really what its all about? Is this what the message of Jesus has been reduced to? We've taken a message of "love God and love everyone else" and turned it into a justification for prejudice and hatred. We have used our "religion" as an excuse to hate people who aren't like us. After all Jesus was a white, middle-class suburbanite who voted Republican and was a card-carrying member of the NRA, right? I don't think so... It's like the popular Christian bumper sticker:

"Christian's aren't perfect... Just forgiven"
(and smug, apparently)

Maybe the decline of Christianity in this country will lead to the rise of Christ followers. It's so easy to be a "Christian" here in America, try going to China or a Middle Eastern country and professing your faith. As Rick McKinley says, suffering isn't in our western vocabulary. Sure, we are inconvenienced by set-backs here and there but our experiences are nothing compared to people who live in war-torn areas of the world or in nations where owning the Bible is grounds for capital punishment.

Often times I get caught up in the idea that its all about me and my feelings, I know all of the answers and it's my duty to be the morality police. I can be a real prick sometimes...well most of the time. I see the quotes from the haters who are bashing this Muslim man and I think "I would never say a thing like that". But I have and, in some situations, I'm sure I would.

I think there is an underground Christian movement that's behind the scenes trying to right the name of Christ followers, and I want to be apart of that Christianity. Not the one who would persecute a man for standing up for what he thinks is right and true and good. The truth is, we are bombarded by the worst caricature of Christianity. When there is a hot moral/religious issue (like this one) who do the reporters go to for a reaction? Who do the talking heads in the mainstream media bring on their shows?

No seriously....

Is it the guy who says "Hey, there are many sides to this issue and it might take a long time to get things all sorted out and in the end we may never really have the answer". Of course not, CNN, MSNBC, Fox News, Rush, Franken, Hannity and others want to bring on the psycho-Christian wack-job who will say that God hates "those people" and Christians don't want anything to do with them.

I say bring on the popular decline of Christianity, and let's continue to support the idea that people are a unique and special creation of God. It's our job to love them and help them through the process of following Christ. I want to support the idea that Christians are a group of people getting together to make lives better. Its not my place to judge whether this guy's "saved" or going to hell. Yes a sin is a sin but a sinner is still a person. I am a sinner and my sin is no better or worse than theirs.

Bring on the revolution!