#17 Uncle Jim

This is part 2 in the 18 reasons to love Chateaugay Mancation.

#17 Uncle Jim


As the obvious follow up to #18 (Pat Ryan), Jim Ryan (aka, Uncle Jim or the Colonel), father of the great Pat Ryan, oldest of the Ryan boys is another reason why to love camp. Staying in a cabin so modern in comparison to the rustic feel of our beloved Camp Tekakwitha that it might as well be a location for the next Sci-Fi Channel original movie (The place does have Television and Dial-Up internet).


Uncle Jim's classic and memorable moments include the extremely early serenade of "Oh What a Beautiful Morning", outside the porch, his choice of cigars ("'What kind of cigar are you smoking Uncle Jim?' 'This is a Phillie's Blunt, Strawberry Flavor, GREAT cigar, GREAT cigar'"), his Borntrager-esque horseshoe skills, affinity for Knoppogue Castle Irish Whiskey, ability to fall asleep during any conversation, offering his famous o' dark thirty pancake breakfast (of which I think we've managed to get up for one) and his penchant for over-the-top nicknames like "Clydesdale" for anyone who can master to loosen the lug nuts on the old Eagle-clunker...


Uncle Jim has a heart as big as the lake itself, he is the de-facto camp historian and takes more pride the family history than anyone. Camp would not be camp without the Colonel.

25 Random Things About Me

So I've fallen victim to the facebook-meme curse

1. I always finish what I start, follow-through is very important to me and it is something that I pride myself on.

2. I think Bananas are shy, Pineapples are contemplative and Apples are the most social fruit.

3. Given the choice between sneezing skittles and burping popcorn I would choose to fart confetti .

4. I play the drums but they don't know it so lets keep this between us.

5. I believe that pulling a band-aid off quickly is a cop-out.

6. I really want to try to eat so many vegetables that I get sick. Then I can say that vegetables aren't good for me.

7. If you've never realized how stupid the saying "give yourself a pat on the back" really is, try it... no seriously, try it... there now, don't you feel retarded? (OK so that wasn't about me, but I had to get that off my chest)

8. I prefer black beans over any other type of bean.

9. My name last spelled backwards is Smailliw.

10. I think I may have Enissophobia, so don't judge me OK.

11. I get distracted easily and tend to lose my train of...

12. I own a black trench coat and I really liked to wear it... until those punks at Columbine ruined it for me.

13. I once saw a forklift lift a crate of forks. And it was way to literal for me.

14. I think its weird that every concession stand has the token jar of huge pickles and yet I don't know anyone who buys them...ever. On that note, I guess I would find it very awkward to watch someone eat a pickle... or a banana for that matter. I'm not sure any guy could look masculine eating either a gigantic pickle or banana, that's why I have personally boycotted the eating of such items.

15. I believe I am unique just like everybody else.

16. I took a bathroom break after typing #15 and almost dropped my phone in the toilet, that would have been a disaster.

17. I love my wife Abby for the weirdest things, like the random conversations she has in her sleep like the one time she told me that this was her home town (we were not in her home town by the way) and she was proud of it no matter what our dog says. Or the time she woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me that things were not right because she wasn't sure who took her chalupa.

18. I often wonder why a collection of mixed fruit it called a "fruit cocktail" while a collection of mixed vegetables are called a "vegetable medley".

19. I want to get a vending machine, with fun sized candy bars, and have the glass in front be a magnifying glass. You'll be mad, but it will be too late.

20. I am slightly obsessive about making as many right turns as possible while driving. It actually freaks me out if my commute is made up of all left turns, I can't handle it emotionally.

21. This should have been titled "20 Random Things About Me"

22. I like to rock and roll all night, and part of everyday. But not the whole day because I might have stuff to do later.

23. The most random phrase I can think of right now is "Tomahawk-doorknob". Which is what I think of everytime I need something random to say.

24. I always use the handicapped stall in restrooms mostly because it is my way of getting back at them for parking in our parking spots.

25.

Quotes that are relevant to me right now

Here are some quotes from an old journal I found, some have sources others have been lost to time.

"We subscribe to false gospels that are troubling our souls. Because we live in a constant sales environment where we are told a certain car will make us sexy or a certain dish-washing detergent will be a miracle for our dishes, we assume the gospel of Jesus works the same way, that is, if we invest something, we get something more back. But this is not the case. To understand what the Bible explains Jesus' gospel to be, we must look to each other, to the way a father interacts with a child, a bride to a bridegroom, a doctor to a patient. When we let go of the idea of Jesus as a product and embrace Him as a being, our path to spiritual maturity begins."

"Having met the enemy, I discovered the enemy wasn’t who I thought they were. They were flawed, even as we were flawed, but they were no less patriotic, and no less good. And what’s more, they weren’t out to get us like my conservative friends had told me. I began to see, honestly, the far conservative right, the radical right (not the balanced, objective right) as being paranoid. The advertisements on conservative radio talk shows were about guns and alarm systems."

-Donald Miller

"We should not be arrogant victims who seek vengeance, but wounded healers willing and ready to forgive."

-Unknown

"All scripture is equally inspired but not equally important...All scripture is not equally aplicable for every stage of life"

"Our church is not sacred, our mission is."

"Are we the church of the loving father (in reference to the parable of the prodigal son from Luke 16) or the older brother...How would the story have been different if it had been the older brother waiting at the doorstep?"

-Reggie Joiner

"Leadership is a stewardship, it is temporary and I am accountable."
-Andy Standley

"The story already has a star and it is not you or I... We have a supporting role in the greatest story ever told"

-Brian McLaren

"Notice how many places in the accounts of Jesus’ life he gets frustrated with his disciples. Because they are incapable? No, because of how capable they are. He sees what they could be and could do, and when they fall short it provokes him to no end. It isn’t their failure that’s the problem, it’s their greatness. They don’t realize what they are capable of....God has an amazingly high view of people. God believes that people are capable of amazing things. I’ve been told I need to believe in Jesus. Which is a good thing. But what I’m learning is that Jesus believes in me....God has faith in me."

-Rob Bell

"Born again is an overused term that really means we should rethink our position, start over and be fully dependant on God as if we were born again as infants"

Christmas in the Carribean

Spending this week in Vieques (a small island off the coast of Puerto Rico) with my family, I have started to realize how much the media and society pushes the commercial view of Christmas. As I woke up this morning, no snow on the ground, no Christmas tree, no exorbitant pile of needless crap wrapped in gaudy paper and it made me feel like this was... Thursday... nothing more. Nothing is different from any other day here, the waves are still playing tag with the shoreline, the birds still float in the air like kites and the sun continues to play peek-a-boo with the clouds. Other than the "Contemporary Holiday Hits" playing on the Sirius XM Radio there is no sign of Christmas, no sign of commemorating the birth of Christ, no Three Kings, no Angel of the Lord appearing to shepherds watching their flock, no plastic nativity scene with Joseph wearing a pink sash. Nothing.

I have always been in a setting where Christmas (well, the commercial representation of it anyway) dominated everything from Thanksgiving until the we discard the season on the curb with the rest of the trash on December 26th. This year is different, strip away the glitz and hubbub drummed up by societal pressures to buy into yet another superficial season and all you have is life. Unchanged, unfazed, unabashed life.

I have never felt closer to the true meaning of Christmas.

Although I hate cliche's like that, I will stomach it for this example. Life goes on uninterrupted, God goes on as He always has, since the moment in the Mountains of the Middle East where Moses' inquiry elicits a response from God. "Tell them 'I am' has sent you". God tells Moses to tell his people that the One who has always been and always will be has sent him.

Amazing.

God always has been and always will be. Just like the waves on the beach, a seemingly endless ebb and flow. A constant song in the background, a timeless reminder that like the movements of the ocean, God is. God was. God will always be.

Just the Issues

With all of the negative ad campaigning going on, I thought I would just focus on the issues. Based on what I've seen in the media this election, here is what your vote really means.


A vote for John McCain and Sarah Palin is:
A vote for racism
A vote for corporations & big business
A vote for oil companies
A vote for a quasi-demopublican
A vote against the poor
A vote against labor
A vote against jobs
A vote for George W. Bush
A vote for fear-mongering
A vote for 4 more years of the same
A vote against Civil Rights (he voted against a national holiday for MLK Jr.)
A vote against a woman's right to choose
A vote for the rich getting richer
A vote for rash and impulsive recklessness
A vote for lobbyists
A vote for Rod Parsley, John Hagee and other radical right-wing conservative Christians
A vote against the environment
A vote against conservation
A vote for intolerance
A vote for war-mongering
A vote for an uber-rich, out of touch, aging senior citizen and an inexperienced, air-headed, gun-toting hockeymom
A vote for empty promises
A vote against the UN
A vote for an increasing national debt
A vote for corruption (Keating Five)
A vote for the unknown



A vote for Barack Obama and Joe Biden is:
A vote for terrorists
A vote for socialized medicine
A vote for higher taxes
A vote for socialism
A vote for Marxism
A vote for Government control of private citizens
A vote for killing babies
A vote for the United Citizens Party (who also nominated a Socialist Party candidate in 2004)
A vote against national security
A vote for inexperience
A vote for the Democrats trifecta, holding the House, Senate and Presidency
A vote for "redistribution of wealth"
A vote against Isreal
A vote against the 2nd amendment
A vote for Rashid Khalidi, Yasir Arafat, William Ayers, Jeremiah Wright, Hamas, Fidel Castro,
A vote for the Anti-Christ
A vote against the troops
A vote for more federal spending
A vote against small business
A vote for judicial activism
A vote for partisan politics
A vote for the most liberal voting senator
A vote for pragmatism
A vote against family values
A vote for empty promises
A vote for the unknown

Making the Right Turns

I know that I catch a lot of flack from passengers in my car because of my semi-neurotic obsession with choosing a right-turn route over a left turn route. Well as it turns out, UPS has been making a point of turning right almost 90% of the time in their routes. This has lead to shorter idling time and has saved the company upwards of 3 million gallons of fuel per year.

Not only do right turns save gas, but they also help save commute time. So next time you're behind the wheel and looking at the rising gas prices at the pump, remember to make the "right turn" whenever possible.

Universal Truths

1. Triangular sandwiches taste better than square ones.
2. At the end of every wild college-party there is always a girl crying.
3. Everyone who grew up in the 80's has entered the digits 55378008 into a calculator.
4. Sharpening a pencil with a knife makes you feel really manly.
5. You're never quite sure whether it's against the law or not to have a fire in your back yard, unless you live in an apartment, then it is definitely against the law.
6. You never know where to look when eating a banana.
7. Its impossible to describe the smell of a wet cat (note: wet dog smell is an accurate description of a wet dog, but there is no such thing as wet cat smell)
8. Poking a fire with a stick makes you feel manly.
9. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad
10. Rummaging in overgrown grass will always turn up a bouncy ball.
11. You always feel a bit scared when petting horses, maybe its their huge bowling ball eye.
12. It is impossible to look tough while drinking out of a straw
13. Everyone always remembers the day a dog ran into your school.
14. The most embarrassing thing you can do as schoolchild is to call your teacher mom or dad
15. The smaller the monkey the more it looks like it would kill you at the first given opportunity.
16. Some days you see lots of people on crutches.
17. Every man, has, at some stage, while taking a pee, flushed half way through and then raced against the flush.
18. No matter how many times you shake it, the last drop will always be in your pants
19. Old women with mobile phones look wrong!
20. Its impossible to look cool while picking up a Frisbee or while tossing back an item after an errant throw to the people playing "catch".
21. Driving through a tunnel makes you feel excited.
22. Old ladies can eat more than you think.
23. You can't respect a man who carries a dog.
24. There's no panic like the panic you momentarily feel when you've got your hand or head stuck in something. Or when you're at someone else's house and the toilet water starts to come up before going down
25. No one knows the origins of their metal coat hangers.
26. Despite constant warning, you have never met anybody who has had their arm broken by a swan.
27. The most painful household incident is stubbing your toe on the edge of the bed/coffee table/hope chest etc.
28. People who don't drive slam car doors too hard
29. You've turned into your dad the day you put aside a thin piece of wood specifically to stir paint with.
30. Everyone had an uncle who tried to steal their nose.
31. Everyone has an aunt who is a "cheek pincher"
32. Bricks are horrible to carry.
33. In every order of french fries there is a fry that looks like it had been sitting on the surface of the sun.