Know Your Meme: LOL Cats

I know its rudimentary, I know it may be degrading our nation's already declining literacy rate and incouraging "text-speak" and other forms of incorrect grammer...

BUT


There is something so darn cute about LOL Cats.

Notcie: I am not promoting Mike Huckabee...

...but in this age of political slam-ads, this is a refreshing and welcomed alternative. It seems like politicians are in the business of telling us who they are not instead of who they are and what they stand for. Here's an idea, tell us where you stand on issues and what your plans are to improve the country. Far fetched? Maybe.

Um, Yeah

So I was totally wrong about my Football predictions... I admit I was wrong...WAAAAAY wrong.

Preseason AFC North Predictions: Cleveland

Part 3 of my 4 part series on the AFC North Preseason Predictions click here for part 1 and part 2

First of all, let me say the Browns are going to be one of the worst teams in the league so I'm sorry if the commentary seems short and/or redundant.

Pittsburgh- L
Just plain not good enough yet, be it Anderson, Frye or (the unlikely) Quinn the QB situation will not be good here, especially in the first game. Jamal Lewis can't provide enough on the ground and B. Edwards is going to be getting a lot of Steeler attention.

Cincinnati- L
Again, they're not good enough at QB and the O-Line still has questions even with all of the off-season moves. Health is an issue and the Bengals take this opportunity to try out a more aggressive pass rush.

at Oakland- W
This may be the worst game of the year. Oakland has a good Defense but Cleveland's Defensive playmakers make more of a difference in this poor excuse for a football game.

Baltimore- L
This is going to be a looooong season for whoever "wins" the QB job in Cleveland...

at New England- L
Nope, next.

Miami- L
Miami's D may be getting older but their pass rush is enough to rattle the Browns. Jayson Taylor has multiple sacks and/or turnovers here

BYE (Whew)

at St. Louis- W
Somehow the D holds on here. Maybe St. Louis gets injured in key spots, maybe luck is on there side but I think the Brownies pull this one out.

Seattle- L
Come on, this is big boy football...

at Pittsburgh- L
If this was a home game then they would have a chance, but since this mid-season match-up is at Heinz Field, the Steelers win. K. Wimbley goes off here, but its not enough.

at Baltimore- L
By now Quinn is under center running for his life pouting after every game

Houston- W
Cold weather is settling on the Dawg Pound, the Texans are moving in the right direction but they lose this battle. DeMeco Ryans provides Brady Quinn with plenty of grass stains on his jersey.

at Arizona- L
In the dome the Cardinals offense is too much in the air for this oft-injured secondary. Edge has an opportunity to expose the over-agressive LBs with draws and screens.

at NY Jets- L
Mangenius shows Romo who's the better Belichick protege.

Buffalo- W
Buffalo is shooting for a higher draft pick in this game and they get one step closer here.

at Cincinnati- L
Cincinnati is in a close AFCN playoff race with Baltimore and every win counts. While the Bengals could slip up here, I say they roll over the Dawgs.

San Francisco- L
A pathetic end to the season as Romo gets his second straight 4-12 season. Good news is they get another high draft pick next year...oh wait, you wasted it on Brady Quinn! Ha!

4-12 Crying themselves to sleep in the offseason.

Preseason AFC North Predictions: Pittsburgh

Part 2 of my 4 part series on the AFC North Preseason Predictions click here for part 1

at Cleveland: W
Even thought Cleveland gives the Steelers one good game each year, they serve as both an automatic "W" and the AFCN whipping boy.

Buffalo: W
No Willis McGahee makes Buffalo look like a bunch of NFL Europe rejects

San Francisco: W
This one would be tougher outside of the friendly confines of Heinz Field, but the 49ers young defense isn't ready yet. Although I think Roethlisberger could lose the game on turnovers here. Steeler fans pray that he throws to more Black & Yellow than Red & Gold

at Arizona: W
Arizona and SF are two teams with enormous potential for upsets but the battle of the old Steelers (Wisenhunt) vs. the new Steelers (Tomlin) goes to the newbie

Seattle: L
the 4-0 start gets to Big Ben's head as he tries to do too much against a good team. Wake up guys your schedule is about to get messy.

BYE WEEK

at Denver: L
On the road in Mile High after a bye week, this becomes the war of attrition. Which QB can turn the ball over the least. The answer is Jay Cutler, but he has Champ Bailey and Dre Bly to thank for that.

at Cincinnati: L
The hits just keep on coming, in a battle of 4-2 teams, this match up defines the rest of each team's season. Cincinnati wins and uses it as motivation to close out the year, Pittsburgh loses while looking forward to Monday night against the Ravens.


Baltimore (Monday Night Football): L
Closer than you may think, but Baltimore is the new elite in the AFCN and they show why here. McGahee pounds the Steelers on the ground and the veteren Baltimore D raises questions about Ben's decision making abilities.

Cleveland: W
um, next...

at NY Jets: W
The J-E-T-S show why they were a flash in the pan last year.

Miami (Monday Night Football): W
The Porter return to Miami doesn't mean much as the Steelers roll. Showing the Dolphins that the AFC East is the second worst division in the NFL.

Cincinnati: W
Ok, just so I'm not accused of being too much of a Bengals homer... Cincy loses in Pittsburgh.

at New England: L
New England has its eyes set on another deep playoff run and they don't care that Pittsburgh is on a 4 game win streak or that Mike Tomlin really wants to win.

Jacksonville: L
Jacksonvile finishes here where they couldn't against the Steelers last year. Their defense is enough to shut down Pittsburgh's shaky new offense

at St. Louis: W
While fierce at home (*snicker*) the rams don't have an answer on defense for Willie Parker, especially in the fast dome

at Baltimore: L
Season ends in Baltimore, the Ravens crush the Steelers hopes of a 10 win first season under Mike Tomlin.

9-7 on the couch in January

My Bengals Pre-Preseason Picks

Baltimore-W
Too much adrenaline in prime time. The Ravens have to adjust to life without Adalius Thomas and with Willis McGahee. Steve McNair shows his age here.

@ Cleveland-W
Who's going to win the QB battle? No matter what they're all still losers. Could be a career day for Bengals on both sides of the ball

@ Seattle-L
West coast travel and potential for a miserable rainy game leaves the Bengals hung out to dry.

New England-L
Lets face it, New England knows how to win. Maroney ran all over the place last year and with the Pats' improvements on offense and defense, it doesn't look like a good day for the Who-Deys

@ Kansas City-W
The bye week gives Marvin a chance to pull it together. After going 2-2 the boys show their mental toughness and win a tough one on the road, showing KC it was a bad idea to get rid of Trent Green. Larry Johnson is all that separates the Bengals D from the second shut-out of the year (I'm looking at you Cleveland). I predict the defense scores more than the offense here.

Jets-W
Overrated coach shows his true colors. Bengals are on a roll and want to build momentum for the Steelers game.

Pittsburgh-W
Mike Tomlin opens up the playbook and unleashes Roethlisberger in the no-huddle which turns into no-offensive performance by the Steelers. Oh, and Ahmad Brooks and Ed Hartwell give Santonio Holmes payback across the middle.

@ Buffalo-W
I actually had to take a trip to the bills website to see who they had at RB this year, turns out that unless Lee Evans can touch the ball on every play on offense and defense, this should be and easy victory... Can you feel the chill in the air?

@ Baltimore-L
Cincinnati's 4 game winning streak ends in Baltimore. TJ gets too cocky and Chris Henry's first game back from suspension proves to be lack-luster to say the least.

Arizona-W
With Larry Fitzgerald & Anquan Boldin at his side, Matt Leinart puts on an offensive display, but the lack of a run game serves as this Trojan's Achilles Heel. Carson shows Matt a thing or two about winning.

Tennessee-L
The Bengals always find a way to lose at least one easy one. This is that game. Vince Young pulls one out of his ass for the Titans upset.

@ Pittsburgh-L
I don't want to say loss here, but Heinz Field in December. I just have a bad feeling about this game.

St. Louis-W
No speed turf+no dome+Old Torry Holt+Old Marc Bulger+Rocking Paul Brown Stadium in sub-zero temp= Bengals Win. On the bright side, Steven Jackson shows why he's a star.

@ San Francisco-W
Another prime-time game, another prime-time performance. The Bengals need every win here to stay in the playoff hunt. This year they have the leadership to right the ship.

@ Cleveland-W
Again, unless all starters are injured this should be an easy win. *Note* This game may replace Tennessee for the easy-victory loss.

@ Miami-W
Levi Jones has a vendetta, the league did not suspend Joey Porter over the mugging incident. Trent Green is getting old and with no real receivers to throw to, he's going to spend a lot of time on the grass (Ricky Williams' ears just perked up). Bengals win a big one to send them to the playoffs.

Total 11-5 and in the playoffs

My Day With the Bengals

The following is an account of the events I witnessed during my trip to Cincinnati Bengals OTA (Organized Team Activities) session & stadium tour.

Understand that my day started at my house in Toledo, Ohio to make the trek to the Mecca of Bengaldom (exactly 201 miles according to Google maps). No amount of anticipation during the 2 hour and 30 minute drive could have prepared me for the day to come. My first view of Paul Brown Stadium from I-75 was breathtaking. Being a season ticket holder, I've seen PBS many times during the fall and winter months but there is something extra special when football is in the air in June. I made my way to the stadium offices and waited in the lobby where I was met by bittersweet feelings as I gazed into the display cases on the wall proudly revealing two Lamar Hunt Trophies heralding both the 1981 and 1988 seasons. Soon after, our tour guide, Andy Ware, came to whisk us away to a world that most fans never get to see.

At this point I was feeling the jubilant awe of a child's first trip to Disneyland...

Everything inside the stadium's front office seemed awesome (in the Biblical sense of the word), from the bathrooms to meeting rooms, offices to hallways… Yes, I had seen these common business essentials before in other places but this was The Cincinnati Bengals copy machine.

As we toured the stadium’s various game-viewing areas (Club Section, Press Box, Replay Booth etc.) our tour guide entertained us with interesting insider tid-bits such as where John Clayton and other ESPN celebs sit when their in town or how the room is mostly quiet during games until Geoff Hobson reacts to various on-field happenings. Right now, I’m thinking that we could end the tour; head home and all would be more than worth the journey. As practice time neared we took the mammoth elevators (Side Note: Guys like Anthony Munoz, Willie Anderson and Andrew Whitworth can’t just squeeze into your garden variety elevators, right?) down to the security station near the player’s locker room.

This, my friends, is where the magic happens.

Players trickle out of the locker room in pairs and groups. Some notes at this point: Andrew Whitworth: Man this guy is HUGE, not fat but he’s a very big boy. His upper body looks like it was whittled from one large hunk of steel and his head must be at least a size 8 or larger. This guy looks like Ivan Drago swallowed Rocky Balboa and then went back to Rocky III and ate Thunder Lips as well. He has the constant “I must break you” look. Needless to say I had to back up to take any semblance of a picture.
Leon Hall: This guy looks focused as he walks out of the tunnel and out of view. He’s got that moxie look that you want from a 1st round pick determined to do what he can to turn around a lack-luster defense. I breathe a sigh of relief.
Shayne Graham: He has a grin on his face, he’s happy to play football and ready for another day at the office. I notice that he seems to have unusually large arms for someone whose main source of income is his leg…weird.
Justin Smith: He’s walking with several other D-linemen (Geathers & Peko come to mind, among others). Regardless of your opinion of his on-field play, this guy was classy the whole day. It was refreshing to see most of the D-line walking out together eerily like Wyatt Earp & crew in Tombstone. I breathe a second (slightly larger) sigh of relief.
Carson Palmer: As I see him appear from the locker room my stomach is in my throat. I’m trembling at this point. As I fumble to grab my camera he starts to walk by… I can’t remember what happened next, I really think I blacked out for a second. The only real proof that I have of seeing Carson in that instant is a blurry off-center photo of him walking by the frame.

By now most of the player have made their way out to the practice field so we decide to head out. Following us was newly acquired veteran Linebacker Ed Hartwell who stopped just outside the gates to sign a child’s autograph before heading across the street.

Once inside the gates we see players participating in light position drills and general warm-up routines. The clicking of cleats behind me grabs my attention as Rudi Johnson heads through the gates and onto the field. He looks relaxed and surprisingly well groomed for a 228-pound, linebacker-bruising tailback. He looks like he’s ready for a night on the town not a full day of football. “He makes this look easy”, I thought. Not far behind him was Chad Johnson, lightly jogging and joking with anyone he came in contact with. As he trotted by us he flashed his charismatic gold smile and all I could think was “this is going to be fun”.

I staked out a position on the east side of the field snapping pictures of different drills I went. 300-pound o-linemen gracefully performing shuffling and footwork techniques, linebackers fielding simulated errant passes, running backs perfecting different cuts in slow motion, it wall all too much to take in. Even without pads on, these guys were larger than life. The action stopped in an instant at the sound of an air horn blast. To our left free safety, Dexter Jackson, was making his way to the group carrying the air horn. “Defensive leadership”, said, randomly, letting out my third sigh of relief.

For the next few minutes the players stretched as a team, defense on the left, offense on the right. There were few side conversations going on as players and coaches made pre-practice small talk only to be interrupted by Chad screaming “Hey JJ!” as Jeremi Johnson entered the field in a long sleeve windbreaker and winter cap. Someone standing near us told me that Jeremi has been working with the strength and conditioning coaches on a rehab plan, still, its good to see him putting in the time. The only other observation at this point is a curious little wiry offensive player with dreadlocks wearing full-length orange spandex. “Who is #18?” I asked, not knowing that would be the theme for the rest of the day. More on that later…

The horn sounds and players scramble to their next drill. On the south field the quarterbacks and Receivers work together on routes. On the north field Defensive Backs were doing drills of their own. Kyle Larson was punting on the west “turf” field while Shayne and Jeremi worked with the strength and conditioning coach. Two players stood out at this moment, Leon Hall and Keiwan Ratliff. Both have been knocked for their speed and both seemed to be moving at the same pace as everyone else throughout the course of the day.

As I turned to the south field to check out the receivers, an orange and white blip was flying through the air parallel to the ground laying out for an off target pass. “Who is #18?” I ask again, aloud, to no one in particular as this mysterious stocky, dreadlocked receiver made his way back to the end of the line amid congratulatory high-fives. As the next horn sounded Carson and Chad didn’t quite connect on a pass. This prompted Carson to sprint out to Chad. I need to tell you this was and unforgettable moment. Carson Palmer showing Chad Johnson how to run his route correctly. Carson mimicked the moves needed to properly time the route in an awkward fish-out-of-water fashion. Don’t get me wrong, I think Carson Palmer is an amazing athlete, but his “quarterback coordination” is different than Chad’s “wide receiver coordination”… very different.

Just when I thought things couldn’t get any better, we were witness to the WR/DB 1 on 1 drills.
Leon Hall vs. Chad Johnson: Chad juked off the line leaving Hall stumbling out of the blocks. Chad made a hard fake right about 5-7 yards down the field and then cut left to the middle of the field (poetry in motion) then out of nowhere our rookie 1st round pick recovered to punch the ball away leaving Chad frustrated and the rest of us on the defensive sideline amazed.
Skyler Green vs. Marvin White: Finally someone shouts the name “Green” and the mystery of #18 is solved. According to the roster on the team’s official website Green stands 5’9” (maybe counting his helmet and cleats) 190 pounds (maybe with pads on) and White stands 6’1” 199 (an undersized estimate if you ask me). White towers over Green and looks like he’s going to be a bruiser once he finally sees some live snaps. Green, on the other hand, takes off from the line of scrimmage (I swear his hair makes him look faster) cuts to the middle and back to the outside leaving White chewing on grass, burnt biting on the first move. That play caused a commotion on the sidelines and left me repeating the question of the day, “who is #18?” One other note from that drill: I know Gregg Guenther is 6’-8” so this may seem like an obvious statement but he is one tall dude. Come to think of it, so is Carson Palmer.

The horn sounded and I caught my first glimpse of Marvin Lewis talking with ESPN’s Chris Mortensen and Cincinnati native, Tom Jackson. This is also where we were introduced to, Bengals.com editor, Geoff Hobson. I must have missed the memo on Hawaiian shirt day since Hobson, Jackson and Mortensen were all sporting tropical threads… I digress… Some further pleasantries were exchanged between our group and some of the Bengals front office staff watching the various drills. This continued until the horn sounded yet again and we made our way to the north side of the practice area to observe the full 11 on 11 drills. A couple of things caught my eye:
Rudi Johnson: Not much to do for a running back during non-contact drills. He caught a few passes but not much else. Good… rest those legs Rudi; you’ll see plenty of action over the next 6-8 months.
Ed Hartwell & Dexter Jackson: Looks like Hartwell’s going to be an intimidating force at linebacker. Combine him with Dexter Jackson and you have a great mix of veteran leadership on defense. These two were talking and mixing it up with the offense the entire time. Skyler Green caught a ball over the middle and Hartwell gave him a two-hand tap and a loudly yelled “BOOM!” as if to indicate that, with pads on, there would be a much different result to that play. These two seemed to be on a mission to rewrite public opinion of the Bengals defense.
Marvin Lewis: Throughout most of practice I noticed Marvin on the outskirts watch carefully, allowing his assistant coaches to do their work. Every once and a while he would call a player over, at times he would issue a public reprimand or praise. There was a silent leadership present at all times, it was almost like the entire practice field itself responded to coach Lewis’ every move.
Carson Palmer: He looks great. Not spectacular. Not trying to set the world on fire. His throws were on target, he’s moving well. Very fluid. Here is a man who realizes that this is the beginning of June and the season is a marathon not a sprint. He’s got a swagger folks…

Practice concluded with the punt team and then another group stretch. At this time some local school kids were filing in to the outside of the field. As the players were gathered around Marvin for a quick group talk I the opportunity to get a few photos with Tom Jackson and Chris Mortensen. After the group broke away, players spent a few minutes signing autographs as the press zeroed in on Marvin. On the way off the field, players took the time to take pictures and sign autographs for just about everyone who asked. We trailed behind the pack of players to catch Marvin Lewis and Dexter Jackson posing for pictures with the few stragglers waiting outside the gates.

We walked back down the tunnel to lunch and continued our tour of the inner workings of the stadium. The experience was amazing, the players, administration and coaches were very courteous and welcoming. Even now I am still amazed at the events of the day and I can’t wait to see the Orange and Black take the field Monday night. After witnessing all that happened during practice and afterwards I am convinced that we have a team committed to winning for the community. There’s a new attitude in Cincinnati.

Who Dey

Another Reason Why Women Confuse Me

Ladies, imagine overhearing your boyfriend/husband/significant other on the phone with someone else and it sounds something like this:


"Honey why you calling me so late? It's kinda hard to talk right now.
Honey why are you crying? Is everything okay? I gotta whisper 'cause I
can't be too loud.

Well, my girl's in the next room. Sometimes I wish she was you.
I guess we never really moved on.

It's really good to hear your voice say my name, it sounds so sweet.
Coming from the lips of an angel, hearing those words it makes me weak.
And I never wanna say goodbye but girl you make it hard to be faithful, with the
lips of an angel.

It's funny that you're calling me tonight and, yes, I've dreamt of you too.
And does he know you're talking to me? Will it start a fight? No I don't think
she has a clue.

Well my girl's in the next room. Sometimes I wish she was you. I
guess we never really moved on. It's really good to hear your voice say my
name, it sounds so sweet. Coming from the lips of an angel, hearing those
words it makes me weak. And I never wanna say goodbye, but girl you make
it hard to be faithful, with the lips of an angel.

It's really good to hear your voice say my name, it sounds so sweet.
Coming from the lips of an angel, hearing those words it makes me weak.
And I never wanna say goodbye but girl you make it hard to be faithful, with the
lips of an angel."


What would you think? Other than the obvious: "Why is he conducting a conversation verse-chorus-verse-chorus-chorus format?" Would you be happy? Of course not. But if you hear something like this on the radio from a band called Hinder then you'd go nuts for a song like this. While I have to admit (even if it questions my masculinity) that the chorus is catchy, but it presents yet another reason why women confuse the heck out of me. Why do you like this song? Here's the scenario: this song comes on at work, all women between the ages 14-30 within earshot begin cooing and gasping in an effort to display their fondness for this song.

WHY?

This song is about a guy cheating on his significant other with his ex. Why on earth do women like this song? I guess its the same reason that Crazy B**ch is so popular as well as the thousands of rap songs that objectify women.

Respect yourself women. Oh, and please read Rob Bell's new book Sex God, it has awesome insights on the undeniable link between sexuality & spirituality.

New Addition

I just added a music player to the bottom of the page... let me know what you think... is it a good addition or am I infringing on your ear-space?

Google Maps Have The Answer

So, I was browsing Google Maps today and I discovered that Google really does know everything. Check this out

Who would have guessd that would be so easy? Seriously, does our military have access to Google? If so we've been wasting millions of dollars...

On Notice

Who's been "On Notice" this week?

First off, "your mom" is not only the best, most classic comeback of all time, its also very easy to use....(must...resist..."your mom" reference here)...

What's up with people who die and get really large tombstones? I'm not talking about the "I need a big tombstone so I can fit my whole polish last name on it" tombstone. I mean those gigantic obelisks that eclipse everything else in the whole cemetery... You're dead, nobody probably liked you when you were alive and instead of giving that money to charity or to your ungrateful next-of-kin, you decided to waste your dough on a functionless sundial...

Adam "Pacman" Jones... So this is the guy who was involved in a triple shooting in a Las Vegas strip-club, was suspended from the NFL for the entire 2007 season for his role in at least 9 incidents since he was drafted in 2005. Now he's being punished for his actions so you say lets forgive and forget, right? WRONG, now this loser is appealing his suspension, further proving he doesn't get it and he hasn't learned from his mistakes (not that he hasn't had at least 9 opportunities).

Copycat Police Dramas just tick me off and it all started with Law & Order. Now, the producers of said show couldn't stop with just one.... nooooo, the had to keep making more (Special Victims Unit, Criminal Intent, Trial By Jury). When will the madness stop. Now we have all kinds of "legal" & "police procedural" dramas that all look the same, give or take a psychic, a genius mathematician, a cheeky lawyer, an overly dramatic CSI Head Investigator Lieutenant (I'm looking your way Horatio), a quirky computer geek or whatever else you want to "add" to the show to make it "different" from all of the rest.

Men who drink appletinis, you know who you are... just because they "taste good" doesn't mean that you can still be considered a man while drinking one (and especially not in public). Man Law: Any man who witnesses another man ordering an Appletini is required to pour said drink in the lap of the man who ordered it once it arrives. No other explanation is necessary, if you feel words need to be said to break the following awkward silence a firm "you're welcome" is acceptable.

Girls with mustaches: gross... just gross...*next*

"Business Casual": You're just opening up a Pandora's box here... where do we draw the line? How about the gaudy Hawaiian shirts? What about those faux-khaki's that have the zip off bottoms to make shorts? Do you really want to see what that guy from accounting looks like in shorts?

Mouth Breathers: I just love that eerie semi-wheezing sound, part death rattle, part snore.

Hokie News (Update)

According to this story, now ebay.com kills people. In the story they describe what the Va. Tech gunman bought and sold on Ebay. This isn't news... this is a soap opera.

Hokie News?

The media disgusts me... even more now than ever. Why on earth are we giving airtime to this psycho? (Story) I think the tragedy is only magnified by the media giving the killer everything he wanted. Not only did he get to act out his horrendous killing spree but now his message is being broadcast on almost every Internet and media outlet available. Public awareness is fine but why are we giving his "manifesto" free publicity? He mailed his package to NBC... of course he wanted it to be broadcast everywhere, now the media has granted his dying wish...sick, just sick. Like one of my friends said to me:

Unfortunately this is yet another example of the media approaching a situation not with dignity and respect, but rather with a morbid curiosity that diverts attention from the victims and places the killer on a pedestal for everyone to examine. This individual needs no further public examination...his act alone was enough to convince any rational person that he was a deranged psychopath. Why give him the spotlight? Why spread his message of hate and violence? We have a responsibility to the families in this tragedy to HELP them heal, not to create some kind of sick soap opera. The media's coverage is resulting in angst instead of healing, indifference instead of aid, and fear instead of hope.

Now to those who share this guy's psychosis, he's a martyr and just like Columbine the media is describing to all potential domestic terrorists how to take revenge on your local school or office. Now they all have assurance that their message will be heard by the world

A Real Sinner

The Dante's Inferno Test has banished you to the Second Level of Hell!
Here is how you matched up against all the levels:

Level	Score
Purgatory (Repenting Believers)	High
Level 1 - Limbo (Virtuous Non-Believers)	Very Low
Level 2 (Lustful)	Very High
Level 3 (Gluttonous)	Low
Level 4 (Prodigal and Avaricious)	Low
Level 5 (Wrathful and Gloomy)	High
Level 6 - The City of Dis (Heretics)	Very Low
Level 7 (Violent)	Very High
Level 8- the Malebolge (Fraudulent, Malicious, Panderers)	High
Level 9 - Cocytus (Treacherous)	High

Take the Dante's Divine Comedy Inferno Test


I took this test on a whim but I guess its a good idea for those of us "hypothetical sinners". Of course, my first reaction was to say "wow at least I'm not gluttonous, prodigal, avaricious or a heretic" (whatever the heck all of that means). I guess when I think I'm doing pretty good at this "Christian living" thing, I need to remember that I still have a long way to go.

Little Chocolate Crosses

Everyone probably asked the question at one point or another we all reach that moment in their young lives where we question what colored eggs and confused rabbits have to do with the resurrection of Jesus. Even the name "Easter" probably derives its origins from the Anglo-Saxon goddess of fertility, Eostre.

During the consumer driven Christmas season you probably also questioned the relevance of a fat man in a red suit delivering presents around a dead evergreen tree littered with lights. Yes, the secret is out, most of the holiday traditions we hold near and dear to our hearts have pagan (or simply, non-Christian) origins.

But what does that mean?

So far it seems skeptics have decided to use theses holiday add-ons as a basis for their contempt for Christianity as a whole. Since we paint eggs and pass out chocolate bunnies, Christ was not raised from the dead, right? Or since we decorate dead trees with lights and top them with a "pagan" pentagram, God did wasn't born of a virgin as Jesus here to save us from our sins.

I digress...

This leads me on a journey of perspective... Hundreds of years from now, I wonder what the modern skeptics will say about the state of the church in 2007. Maybe they will see the addition of the "devil's music" to popular Christian worship services the same way we now see the Easter Bunny and Santa. After all, it wasn't too long ago that the official position of the church was to discourage individuals from reading the Bible.

Luckily, Christianity has been trying to find ways to stay relevant to the culture of the time. All of these elements were added to make the transition to following Christ easier for believers of different (mostly pagan) religions. To me, its only natural to draw the conclusion to Christian rock. Using rock/pop/rap (whatever) to appeal to the current culture is just our generations way of adapting the secular culture to the church.

Note: I said "adapt" not "change"...

The basic precepts of Christianity do not change, but the way we present Christ to people needs to continue to evolve and adapt to new generations of people. Sure, Easter peeps and the Christmas season's slow assimilation of all other winter and late fall holidays may be taking it too far but I never said all "Contemporary Christian Music" was good either...

Colbert Satire

I love my Church, and I'm a Catholic who was raised by intellectuals, who were very devout. I was raised to believe that you could question the Church and still be a Catholic. What is worthy of satire is the misuse of religion for destructive or political gains. That's totally different from the Word, the blood, the body and the Christ. His kingdom is not of this earth.

-Steven Colbert

Wow, that is an amazing quote. This is one of those cases where you realize that this guy gets it. Sure his show (the Colbert Report) is packed full of satire and often times makes fun of religous pundits and activity but as you can see, Colbert gets it... the items worthy of satire derive from man not Christ.

Eviction Notice

We were served an eviction notice a long time ago. The world, as we know it, is not our home. Its hard to recognize it sometimes, but in other situations it is painstakingly clear... I am a nomad - a vagabond - roaming through existence with an intrinsic sense that there is more to this life. We've known it since birth:

"We were born into a world, into a condition, of disconnection. Things were created to be a certain way, and they're not that way, and we feel it in every fiber of our being. Is this why the first thing newborns do is cry?"

- Sex God by Rob Bell

My body was sheltered in a perfectly serene place where God's way rules. We were in the womb of creation. Always nurtured with everything we needed at our disposal. Since the first time man tasted the fruit of the vine, our eyes have been open to the painful labor and birth from our sanctuary, our safe-haven. The sheltering, protective love of God is gone. Our aborted fate has been redeemed but now we know of (and are susceptible to) disease, death, destruction and pain. The air of this world suddenly is not as fresh. As Dr. Shuch writes:

"I was not so much evicted
From the Garden of Eden
As led out unceremoniously,
By the nose.
For it wasn't seeking knowledge
Which led me to the tree
But rather the aroma of the fruit
Which can only be described as, well, fruity.
That aroma proved to be mankind's undoing.
When I'd tasted of this fruit,
The Almighty, as is written,
With a mighty hand and outstretched arm
Afflicted me with allergy of inhalants.
It was the garden's blossoms,
All the flowers, trees, and shrubs,
Not the wrath of the Creator,"

With that, in an instant, the air is lacking its essence... the very pleasant aroma of the flowers brings me to pain. The weather is never quite right. The Earth and mankind groan in a dissident harmony with postpartum depression.

I'm still longing for the time spent with God in the cool of the day with no stress, no job, no bills to pay... Just a simple call to love God, to love one another and to be the care-taker of creation. It is longing that inspires me to change, to draw attention to the eviction notice... to announce to the world that we are the prodigal sons & daughters of the universe and there is a better life out there. Our Father is waiting to welcome us home with jubilation and open arms

(Inspired by a post on churchinverted.com)

Some Questions to Ponder

I ran across these questions from Craig Groechel's Blog that every church leader needs to examine in their own ministry

1. If you weren't on staff at your church, would you worship there?
2. If you didn't know ANYTHING about Jesus, what would you know about him after a normal weekend at your church?
3. If you had a loved one who didn't know Christ, and they had one week left to live, would you take them to your church or another?

Throwing Stones

I have been really thinking about this subject lately, in fact it was the topic of my rant in the most recent episode of Element: C3, which, if you haven't heard it yet, you should. Its awesome...


Anyway, I've been really struggling with this idea of people who throw stones and run away.

What I mean to say is, these people who are all about dominating you with their belief and wanting nothing to do with what anyone else has to say. I fall victim to their trap all the time, the stone thrower is looking for you to engage him (or her) in conversation so they can continue to play the broken record over and over, trying to convince you that you're wrong.

I really respect Rob Bell's response to criticisms that he's received from various people over his views on Christianity:

"Some people, no matter what you say, have a hardness of heart and aren’t going to change. Please be very, very careful who you engage with. Some people simply have questions, and simply want to discuss. Wonderful. But some people are miserable, and they use religion as a crutch to avoid dealing with their misery and their pain. And what gets masqueraded as Christian faith is not. And we need to be careful spending all sorts of energy engaging with people who don’t have any interest in coming along on the journey with us. I would ask you before you engage - and there’s nothing wrong with engaging - to perhaps ask, “Could I redirect the energy I’m about to spend towards somebody who’s never, ever heard that God loves them?” And let us be the kind of community who engages in the right kinds of discussions, but otherwise we’re too busy loving people with the transforming love of Christ to engage in the mudslinging that goes on. You are too valuable to me, and your time and your energy, you’re too valuable in our community to end up in some sort of theological kung-fu with somebody who ultimately thinks they’re right. There will always be Pharisees. God’s on the lookout for disciples.”

"There will always be Pharisees. God's on the lookout for disciples" I think that's awesome... Am I using religion as a crutch or am I using it as a powerful tool to discover the deeper meaning of life with others and within the teachings of Christ?

Its madness...MARCH MADNESS!!

SO its that time of year again and I've made my picks for the big dance, you can view them here. Tell me what you think, am I out of my mind for picking Texas A&M over OSU? I don't think so... Take THAT Thad...

Also, make sure you check out Element: C3, (iTunes) (Online) an exciting project started by my co-conspirator Jered, and I. As always you can find my mobile phone blog here.

Morally Awake

So there's this new study (link) saying that sleep deprivation may lead to a lack of moral fortitude. Basically a bunch of otherwise healthy soldiers were asked a series of questions ranging from simple situations to challenging moral dilemmas with the options "appropriate" or "inappropriate". Their answers were logged and they were then sleep deprived (kept awake) for 53 hours (a little more than 2 days) straight. The volunteers were then asked the same questions again, this time the morally challenging questions took longer for them to answer and in some cases their answers reflected a wavering from their previous answers.

Interesting...

Reading further I found out that those volunteers who scored high in morality when polled before the deprivation did not waiver on what they found morally appropriate.

What does this say about our sense of morality? People who have strong morals to begin with are more likely to stick to their guns under pressure. Could we expand that to show the importance of parenting? Will people who are raised with a strong moral conviction be more likely to stick to it later in life? Less likely to fall victim to peer pressure? I don't know...

1/4 of the way through nothing

10 days ago I started a spending fast for lent (link). After almost one quarter of the way through, I've run the gambit of emotions...

Day 1: The sound of the Pepsi machine outside my door is borderline unbearable. I work in a place where kids are around all of the time. Why God, why do those little brats have so much money? And why do they insist on buying beverages every 5 minutes? (first emotion, anger) This continues until I leave around 5pm.

Once I got home I see that my last pre-fast ebay purchase has arrived Atmosfear the DVD board game... I am overjoyed and all is right with the world (second emotion joy & hope).

Day 2: First off, I was late to work because of an alarm clock malfunction and that didn't make the Pepsi machine situation any better... this time the torture is compounded by the fact that I did not bring anything for lunch and I have made this stupid pact to not buy fast-food for myself... (anger & remorse) But the thought or driving to the local grocery store to buy cold cuts and bread seems to be too labor intensive (now the depression sets in).

Day 3: Its Friday, the work life gets easier since my wanton desire to purchase a Code Red Mt. Dew (pause for amorous reflection and drooling...cue Wayne's World "Dream Weaver" sequence) was subsided by the ammount of free food available at work today (manna from heaven as far as I'm concerned)

Later we hit up a wine tasting at Vino 100 which is ok since its a group event. I did resist the urge to buy a bottle of wine and Burger King, opting instead to make myself a sandwich at home...but those french fries did smell good (jealousy setting in, and maybe a hint of covetousness).

Next, the group heads out to see the Number 23, I had movie passes so no purchases were made.

Days 4 & 5: Jered, being the great and supportive friend that he is, tempts me several times by telling my how many cool things are going on sale at his store later this month. What a pal... (Sarcasm...is that even an emotion?)

Day 6: Lunch is no problem and neither is my beloved Code Red. I brought a friend down to work and she offered to buy me both! (Sweet!). Slowly I realize that a totally unplanned, but, awesome side-effect of not buying anything new is an increase in charity from other people... nice.

I also rented a video game... I didn't get the same satisfying feeling as I do when I buy a video game...

Day 7: I slipped... I was STARVING (not literally but I was in pain) so I went against my better judgement and bought myself Taco Bell (Guilt)... it wouldn't be right for me not to admit where I messed up... I feel like I've betrayed Jesus (more guilt), I should just stop this stupid fast anyway, besides I can still hold to my annual fast of WNBA and Women's College Basketball (justification, not an emotion but still...).

At our weekly Bible Study (held at Max & Erma's, but hey its bible study so its ok) I decide to get back on the horse and continue my shopping fast. To my surprise I've only browsed ebay twice in the past week and it was only because of Satan's tempting (really it was Jered, but close enough) me into looking up prices for a hookah. (don't ask...)

Day 8: Another Thursday goes by and there are more kids that mock me with every beverage purchase, but this time I am busy with work so their attempts go virtually unnoticed. (Side note: Abby rewards my spending freeze by making AWESOME dinners for me...except for the one batch of mashed potatoes that tasted like plastic...but the rest of it was awesome)

Day 9: Jered will not stop singing I'm So Ronery from Team America: World Police. I am so tempted to click the "buy it" button on iTunes, but I resist...for now (jerk) Another wine tasting... and this time I bought wine, which by now is an essential.... but maybe not 3 bottles....

Today is day 10 : I'm really starting to get a grasp on the extremes of my desire to be an uberconsumer. Now, I'm not saying that I'm cured or that I have come to some great revelation. I am still trying to figure this all out, but I know this much, I have a long way to go...

40 days of nothing (new).

I have decided to take Lent seriously this year, not because I believe in the cerimonial act of half-heartedly "giving up" something that we can otherwise live without. I remember as a non-Christian kid, not knowing what Lent was all about, claiming that I would be giving up homework for the 40 days and furthermore I would be giving it up for the entire school year. I was so humble and self-sacrificing, infact, that I offered to give up chores, bathing and strawberry-banana bubblicious (my least favorite flavor) as well. In later years, still not embracing the true meaning and devotion of the lenten season, I vowed to give up watching women's basketball... both College and the WNBA. You could tell I was serious.

This year I have decided to raise my own personal awareness to the hold consumerism has on my life. Sarting today (Ash Wednesday) I will purchase only necessities for sustenance, health, community and business. I am not trying to preach the gospel of poverty or minimalism, I am not trying to condem others for their spending. I have no illusion that forgoing this DVD or that new article of clothing is going to bring down our consumer culture and I don't even know if I want it to be brought down.

Consumption is social, it happens in a much larger structure than just one individual or community. But it is also personal, once we've met the lowest and most basic of human needs (thank you Maslow), shopping is emotional. For me, the art of purchasing is an emotional experience. At work for instance, if I'm having a bad day I will be drawn in to buying a Mt. Dew Code Red from the vending machine that becons me from just outside my office door. I don't need the Mt. Dew, but I make the purchase anyway. In my mind, the slow and ominous process of a dollar bill being devoured by the machine and the brief pause before the it produces a robust thud gives me pleasure. Usually the cost of consumerism ammounts to a dollar in a vending machine here and there but there are times when I feel phsically depressed if I don't have an ebay purchase on its way to my house. The spending frenzy was very appearent on Monday night, I was on the computer while two of my friends (Jered & Sara) were talking about how cool Nightmare: The Video Board Game was on VHS and how they wished we had it now. Of course I did what any other rational, frugal human being would have done in that situation: I found it on ebay in DVD format and made the "buy it now" purchase... and in an instant, I felt better about life.

I am not sure of the actual "rules" for this purchasing fast but hopefully it will become more appearant as the days go on. Starting from this moment I am going to face the marketing machine head on and uncover a hidden addiction in my life. Starting now I am not going to give into my impulse-buying habits...right after I buy that Mt. Dew.

Icicles of death

This was what greeted us today when we debated the prospects of "weathering" the ramp before service, of course we had to take matters in our own hands and knock them all down... hillarity ensued.

How to scare people with your doctrine! (Part. 1)

Here is the first part of a recent article from wayofthemasterradio.com which I find interesting and I respond to below. Some of these questions are good and some are out right ludacris (my responses are in Orange:

Questions that will save you a lot of Sundays [pdf]
Looking for a good church? Church-shopping can be a long and painful process. To shorten your search, call the pastor of the church before you visit and ask the
following questions. This might save you a lot of Sundays.

1. What is man’s biggest problem, sin or self esteem? Seeker sensitive and felt-needs churches focus on man’s hurts and problems. The Bible says that man’s biggest problem is sin.

I agree here for the most part, although I would argue that man's biggest problem is a separation from God in general and not just "sin"

2. What must a man do to inherit eternal life? Repent and trust is the Biblical answer. If the word “repent” is never used, say, “Thank you.”

Actually Luke 10:25-28 says simply:

On one occasion an expert in the law stood up to test Jesus. "Teacher," he asked, "what must I do to inherit eternal life?" “What is written in the Law?" he replied. "How do you read it?"
He answered: " 'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind'; and, 'Love your neighbor as yourself.'"
"You have answered correctly," Jesus replied. "Do this and you will live"

Then Jesus goes on to explain about how everyone is our neighbor etc. etc.

John 6:53-54 explains that we need communion to inherit eternal life.

John 8:51 says that those who obey the words of Christ will "never see death."

John 12:25-26 talks about self-denial and servanthood will have eternal life

And those are just the scriptures where Jesus mentions "eternal life" directly. I find it interesting that the author of this list chose to emphasize REPENTANCE above all...

3. How do you deliver the salvation message? Ask the pastor to describe specifically what he says. Does he encourage people to simply say a prayer? Does he tell people to ask Jesus into their hearts? The salvation message should include: God’s holiness, man’s sinfulness, God’s response (hell), God’s kindness (Jesus on a cross), man’s response (repentance and faith).

I could go on for hours on the "salvation message"... "Ask the pastor to describe specifically what he says" does that mean that we need to have a scripted "salvation message" for the heathens and the unchurched? Is there a magic word? Do you think that the right words will woo them over to the Jesus side? And how do you think that conversation will go with said pastor?

I love the 5 "universal" steps to salvation... Jesus was right in the middle of planning his nationwide book tour when that darn crucifixon ruined that idea...

I would say that this question, itself, in our modern context, tends to indicate/emphasize ‘the age to come’, or focus only on the eternal. It seems, at times, like some of us would be content to just lock ourselves up in our churches and wait for Jesus instead of bringing the Kingdom of Heaven here on Earth. Jesus didn't tell us to "go and make disciples of all nations" so that we could all sit around idle until the "rapture".

4. How hard is it to become a Christian?The “formula” is
simple, doing it is not. It is not easy to believe.

This is one subject that I'm torn on... If by "formula" they mean the steps outlined in #3 then you know what I think about that situation. Otherwise, I think this is the first one they have on the right track. I agree its simple to make a decision to follow Christ but the act of following Christ is a long, tough journey.

5. How often do you talk about sin, righteousness and
judgment? Balance is key. This should not be the only emphasis, but
it should be a regular emphasis.

Right, balance is key... If Jesus were here today in our time, I wonder if we would be more likely to see Him standing with a megaphone on the corner , telling people about the fire and pain that awaits them, emphasizing sin, righteousness & judgement or would we see Him passing the jacket He was wearing to the homeless, crippled man on the corner, with no thought of thanks, and offering to buy the man a meal as He cultivated a relationship with him. I believe that Christ loved people first and addressed sin, righteousness & judgement on a personal level with them.

Which is more of an honest response from a person of free will?… 1. To “convert” to Christianity out of fear of Hell. Thus reducing the loving relationship we were CREATED for, to a shallow, eternal quid pro quo agreement. 2. To SHOW them the love of Christ, to let them know that they are a special and unique creation of God, and that God LOVES them so much that He came in human form to suffer through the same temptations and struggles as the rest of us so that all who believe in Him, and follow His word (and repentance is necessary for that to happen) will spend eternity in the presence of God.

Stay tuned to part 2 of our series...

Some quotes...

Here are some quotes that are speaking to me at the moment... read them, love them, learn from them.

"Sooner or later you just figure out that there are some guys who don't believe in God and they can prove He doesn't exist, and some other guys who do believe in God and they can prove He does exist, and the argument stopped being about God a long time ago and now its about who's smarter, and honestly I don't care."

"It is always the simple things that change our lives. And these things never happen when you are looking for them to happen. Life will reveal answers at the pace life wishes to do so. You feel like running, but life is on a stroll. This is how God does things."

"I started wondering whether we could actually change the world. I mean, of course we could. We could change our buying habits, elect socially conscious representatives and that sort of thing, but I honestly dont believe we will be solving the greater human conflict with our efforts. The problem is not a certain type of legislation or even a certain politician; the problem is the same that it has always been. I am the problem."

-Donald Miller

"I can accept failure, but I can't accept not trying."

"I've failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed."

"If you accept the expectations of others, especially negative ones, then you never will change the outcome. "

-Michael Jordan

"Clarity is good, but sometimes intrigue may be even more precious; clarity tends to put an end to further thinking, whereas intrigue makes one think more intensely, broadly, and deeply. Jesus' teaching on the kingdom of God is a case in point; his parables don't score too well on clarity, but they excel in intrigue."

"I don't believe making disciples must equal making adherents to the Christian religion. It may be advisable in many (not all!) circumstances to help people become followers of Jesus and remain within their Buddhist, Hindu, or Jewish contexts."

"Are our churches and broadcasts and books and organizations merely creating religious consumers of religious products and programs? Are we creating a self-isolating, self-serving, self-perpetuating, self-centered subculture instead of a world-penetrating (like salt and light), world-serving (focused on 'the least and the lost,' those Jesus came to seek and save), world-transforming (like yeast in bread), God-centered (sharing God's love for the whole world) counterculture?"

-Brian McLaren

"When people use the word hell, what do they mean? They mean a place, an event, a situation absent of how God desires things to be. Famine, debt, oppression, loneliness, despair, death, slaughter--they are all hell on earth. Jesus' desire for his followers is that they live in such a way that they bring heaven to earth. What's disturbing is when people talk more about hell after this life than they do about Hell here and now. As a Christian, I want to do what I can to resist hell coming to earth."

"I don't follow Jesus because I think Christianity is the best religion. I follow Jesus because he leads me into ultimate reality. He teaches me to live in tune with how reality is. When Jesus said, "No one comes to the Father except through me," he was saying that his way, his words, his life is our connection to how things truly are at the deepest levels of existence. For Jesus then, the point of religion is to help us connect with ultimate reality, God.

-Rob Bell

"I came to the conclusion long ago … that all religions were true and also that all had some error in them, and whilst I hold by my own, I should hold others as dear as Hinduism. So we can only pray, if we are Hindus, not that a Christian should become a Hindu … But our innermost prayer should be a Hindu should be a better Hindu, a Muslim a better Muslim, a Christian a better Christian."

"God has no religion "

"We must respect other religions, even as we respect our own. Mere tolerance thereof is not enough."

"I like your Christ. I do not like your Christians. Your Christians are so unlike your Christ."

-Gandhi

Socially Conservative (w/out the suppressed antisemitism)

I remember growing up liberal, I was in 3rd grade and I decided that I was pro-choice. I also decided at 5 years old that Michael Dukakis should be our next president over George H.W. Bush. Later in life I was caught in the grip of Christian Fundamentalism and took a radical "right-wing" agenda.

A quick aside: Why is it that those who are strong believers and subscribers to the church of evolution and "survival of the fittest" are most often liberals, who by nature, advocate a lesser form of socialism rather than capitalism which leads to social Darwinism or an economic "survival of the fittest"? And what about the "religious right" claiming to be on the side of the Savior, who's first-century followers practiced a communal living style that was reminiscent of socialism, while at the same time exploiting all that capitalism has to offer, comfortably seated in their mega-churches shouting damnation at the masses the whole time seeming eerily pharisaic.

I guess that wasn't such a "short" aside...sorry

Slowly over the last 5 years I feel like I stepped off of the conservative train to take a look around and it left me at the station...

I'm now struggling in the middle of "no-label land"

What I mean is, I don't see my self heading back the other way to "liberal" and I'm not sure that I can keep going to my "conservative" destination. I still inevitably vote for the Republican even though its more like the lesser of two evils. I guess I'm a mixture of parties, a political mutt if you will.

I consider myself pro-life ever since the addition of my adopted sister who's biological mother, if given the same "choice" in her native Russia, would have probably chosen abortion. In the same breath I used to say that I supported the death penalty. Which never seemed to be a contradiction at the time but now (after taking my departure from the "Conservative Express") it seems that I should be against capital punishment.

Now its not as easy as it seems... Am I sad that Saddam Hussein was put to death....yes and no. I am sad that a human being, created by God lost his life and I know deep down inside that his sentence was probably not in line with God. But did I do my fair share of thinking that he deserved it... yes.

My guess is that God doesn't have a political party, as Rick McKinley says the best form of government is a benevolent dictatorship. We really can't imagine that, can we? How refreshing would that be to have someone with ultimate and supreme power in control that loves us enough to send his only Son (I'll skip the rest, there will be an alter call later to the tune of "Just as I am", but make sure you place your offering in the box before you come up)

Seriously though, imagine a world under the rule of someone who's main concern is our well-being, who always acted in our best interest, and not just our frivolous wants and material desires.

Man, that would be cool, but until that happens I'll be over here struggling with my labellessness