#15 The Porch

Part 4 of the ongoing series on the 18 reasons we love Chateaugay Mancation


#15 The Porch


If you stop to consider what makes Chateaugay Chateaugay (in all its glory, wonder and awe), the porch has to be a dark horse in the running. At first glance the outsider would say, "what's so special about a screened in porch?" but this is is no ordinary house-extension. This porch is the ultimate time-warp, it seems from year to year everything seems to stay the same, none of the furniture matches (in style and decade), there are fishing poles that span the evolution range of the sport and of course the dreaded hanging glass windows of death (in all fairness one side was recently replaced with lighter, safer plexiglass, but I digress).


Many of the best Chateaugay moments were spent on that porch. From mid-day naps on the comfiest couch in the world, to a cigars, Maxims & novels afternoon on a rainy day the porch is the staple, the Grand Central Station if you will, of camp. All activities start from the porch. It is the place where Steve's morning coffee and smoke in "his chair" (or so I am told, since no of us are ever up early enough to witness it), lunch, cheese, evening cigars, conversations and other events (like the TOB) take place.


Who can forget Pat's leftovers-turned-gourmet-midnight snacks, "mellow" moments, smoking the Ming, the TOB ('06-'08 editions), trying to hammer out Pat's best man speech, introducing Uncle Jim to a wider variety of cigars, yelling at Pat to hurry up either into or from the porch, hearing him respond with something followed by "right quick", searching every nook and cranny to see where the bugs were getting in only to realize that a whole window was out.


The porch is where some of the essential Chateaugay bonds are formed whether the topic is girls, cigars or God, quite reflection or deep discussion, life happens on the porch. From the time we wake up and groggily stumble down for lunch to the evening conversations before we head to bed, the porch is the steady constant just waiting for us to return- to reconnect- to rejuvenate in the timeless treasure that is the Chateaugay Mancation.

#16 Horse Shoes (and other competitive activities)

Part 3 of the ongoing series on the 18 reasons we love Chateaugay Mancation


#16 Horse Shoes (and other competitive activities)


Ah yes, what night at camp would be complete without the sound of horseshoes on the iron? As much of a staple on a Chateaugay Mancation as impounded colons and clogged arteries, the nightly games if horseshoes have been the source of innumerable moments that make or break you as a man. That pit has seen its share of ups and downs when it comes to shoes. JOB's aerial tree-branch cutters and ground-scorching rolling-end-over-enders have shared the same sand as Pat Ryan's perfect one-backwards-turn iron seeking missiles. From the very first "night game" cooking dinner and tossing shoes has been a not-oft-missed ritual, forging and strengthening friendships while the visiting team of Pat and Chad pulling up in the Garbage Barge and cleaning Camp Tekakwitha's clock is sure to plant the seeds of bitterness. Never the less, the competition and camaraderie of a spirited shoes match with a cold beverage in a bubba-keg, Chateaugay cheese and a cigar is second to none.

Competition itself is at the core of an all-guys vacation. Whether it is going all in on a pair of aces or paregoric in head-to-head no limit poker for the bracelet, eating 7 Michigans just to break Brandon's record, running the 1 and 2 coded offense during a "friendly" football game and debating whether or not you were touched with both hands, sacrificing intestinal integrity to record the longest Keg-stand time, vying for the title of "second-best athlete here", trying to win the wiffle-ball home run derby in the sandlot while being attacked by malaria-infested mosquitoes or chasing down the "pike that got away", competition and camp go hand and hand.

Just remember, we're all out here to have a good time regardless of how long its been since you've swung the wrenches around and at the end of the day it doesn't matter if we've been in the boat freezing our nipples off waiting for "just one more drift" (even though there hasn't been a single bite all day) or we're watching you whiff on the first tee (after joking about it the whole way to the golf course) at the end of the day there will always be a game of shoes, a beverage in a bubba-keg, Chateaugay cheese and a cigar waiting for you.

Horse Shoes (and other competitive activities) are just another reason why we love the Chateaugay Mancation.

#17 Uncle Jim

This is part 2 in the 18 reasons to love Chateaugay Mancation.

#17 Uncle Jim


As the obvious follow up to #18 (Pat Ryan), Jim Ryan (aka, Uncle Jim or the Colonel), father of the great Pat Ryan, oldest of the Ryan boys is another reason why to love camp. Staying in a cabin so modern in comparison to the rustic feel of our beloved Camp Tekakwitha that it might as well be a location for the next Sci-Fi Channel original movie (The place does have Television and Dial-Up internet).


Uncle Jim's classic and memorable moments include the extremely early serenade of "Oh What a Beautiful Morning", outside the porch, his choice of cigars ("'What kind of cigar are you smoking Uncle Jim?' 'This is a Phillie's Blunt, Strawberry Flavor, GREAT cigar, GREAT cigar'"), his Borntrager-esque horseshoe skills, affinity for Knoppogue Castle Irish Whiskey, ability to fall asleep during any conversation, offering his famous o' dark thirty pancake breakfast (of which I think we've managed to get up for one) and his penchant for over-the-top nicknames like "Clydesdale" for anyone who can master to loosen the lug nuts on the old Eagle-clunker...


Uncle Jim has a heart as big as the lake itself, he is the de-facto camp historian and takes more pride the family history than anyone. Camp would not be camp without the Colonel.

25 Random Things About Me

So I've fallen victim to the facebook-meme curse

1. I always finish what I start, follow-through is very important to me and it is something that I pride myself on.

2. I think Bananas are shy, Pineapples are contemplative and Apples are the most social fruit.

3. Given the choice between sneezing skittles and burping popcorn I would choose to fart confetti .

4. I play the drums but they don't know it so lets keep this between us.

5. I believe that pulling a band-aid off quickly is a cop-out.

6. I really want to try to eat so many vegetables that I get sick. Then I can say that vegetables aren't good for me.

7. If you've never realized how stupid the saying "give yourself a pat on the back" really is, try it... no seriously, try it... there now, don't you feel retarded? (OK so that wasn't about me, but I had to get that off my chest)

8. I prefer black beans over any other type of bean.

9. My name last spelled backwards is Smailliw.

10. I think I may have Enissophobia, so don't judge me OK.

11. I get distracted easily and tend to lose my train of...

12. I own a black trench coat and I really liked to wear it... until those punks at Columbine ruined it for me.

13. I once saw a forklift lift a crate of forks. And it was way to literal for me.

14. I think its weird that every concession stand has the token jar of huge pickles and yet I don't know anyone who buys them...ever. On that note, I guess I would find it very awkward to watch someone eat a pickle... or a banana for that matter. I'm not sure any guy could look masculine eating either a gigantic pickle or banana, that's why I have personally boycotted the eating of such items.

15. I believe I am unique just like everybody else.

16. I took a bathroom break after typing #15 and almost dropped my phone in the toilet, that would have been a disaster.

17. I love my wife Abby for the weirdest things, like the random conversations she has in her sleep like the one time she told me that this was her home town (we were not in her home town by the way) and she was proud of it no matter what our dog says. Or the time she woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me that things were not right because she wasn't sure who took her chalupa.

18. I often wonder why a collection of mixed fruit it called a "fruit cocktail" while a collection of mixed vegetables are called a "vegetable medley".

19. I want to get a vending machine, with fun sized candy bars, and have the glass in front be a magnifying glass. You'll be mad, but it will be too late.

20. I am slightly obsessive about making as many right turns as possible while driving. It actually freaks me out if my commute is made up of all left turns, I can't handle it emotionally.

21. This should have been titled "20 Random Things About Me"

22. I like to rock and roll all night, and part of everyday. But not the whole day because I might have stuff to do later.

23. The most random phrase I can think of right now is "Tomahawk-doorknob". Which is what I think of everytime I need something random to say.

24. I always use the handicapped stall in restrooms mostly because it is my way of getting back at them for parking in our parking spots.

25.

Quotes that are relevant to me right now

Here are some quotes from an old journal I found, some have sources others have been lost to time.

"We subscribe to false gospels that are troubling our souls. Because we live in a constant sales environment where we are told a certain car will make us sexy or a certain dish-washing detergent will be a miracle for our dishes, we assume the gospel of Jesus works the same way, that is, if we invest something, we get something more back. But this is not the case. To understand what the Bible explains Jesus' gospel to be, we must look to each other, to the way a father interacts with a child, a bride to a bridegroom, a doctor to a patient. When we let go of the idea of Jesus as a product and embrace Him as a being, our path to spiritual maturity begins."

"Having met the enemy, I discovered the enemy wasn’t who I thought they were. They were flawed, even as we were flawed, but they were no less patriotic, and no less good. And what’s more, they weren’t out to get us like my conservative friends had told me. I began to see, honestly, the far conservative right, the radical right (not the balanced, objective right) as being paranoid. The advertisements on conservative radio talk shows were about guns and alarm systems."

-Donald Miller

"We should not be arrogant victims who seek vengeance, but wounded healers willing and ready to forgive."

-Unknown

"All scripture is equally inspired but not equally important...All scripture is not equally aplicable for every stage of life"

"Our church is not sacred, our mission is."

"Are we the church of the loving father (in reference to the parable of the prodigal son from Luke 16) or the older brother...How would the story have been different if it had been the older brother waiting at the doorstep?"

-Reggie Joiner

"Leadership is a stewardship, it is temporary and I am accountable."
-Andy Standley

"The story already has a star and it is not you or I... We have a supporting role in the greatest story ever told"

-Brian McLaren

"Notice how many places in the accounts of Jesus’ life he gets frustrated with his disciples. Because they are incapable? No, because of how capable they are. He sees what they could be and could do, and when they fall short it provokes him to no end. It isn’t their failure that’s the problem, it’s their greatness. They don’t realize what they are capable of....God has an amazingly high view of people. God believes that people are capable of amazing things. I’ve been told I need to believe in Jesus. Which is a good thing. But what I’m learning is that Jesus believes in me....God has faith in me."

-Rob Bell

"Born again is an overused term that really means we should rethink our position, start over and be fully dependant on God as if we were born again as infants"

Christmas in the Carribean

Spending this week in Vieques (a small island off the coast of Puerto Rico) with my family, I have started to realize how much the media and society pushes the commercial view of Christmas. As I woke up this morning, no snow on the ground, no Christmas tree, no exorbitant pile of needless crap wrapped in gaudy paper and it made me feel like this was... Thursday... nothing more. Nothing is different from any other day here, the waves are still playing tag with the shoreline, the birds still float in the air like kites and the sun continues to play peek-a-boo with the clouds. Other than the "Contemporary Holiday Hits" playing on the Sirius XM Radio there is no sign of Christmas, no sign of commemorating the birth of Christ, no Three Kings, no Angel of the Lord appearing to shepherds watching their flock, no plastic nativity scene with Joseph wearing a pink sash. Nothing.

I have always been in a setting where Christmas (well, the commercial representation of it anyway) dominated everything from Thanksgiving until the we discard the season on the curb with the rest of the trash on December 26th. This year is different, strip away the glitz and hubbub drummed up by societal pressures to buy into yet another superficial season and all you have is life. Unchanged, unfazed, unabashed life.

I have never felt closer to the true meaning of Christmas.

Although I hate cliche's like that, I will stomach it for this example. Life goes on uninterrupted, God goes on as He always has, since the moment in the Mountains of the Middle East where Moses' inquiry elicits a response from God. "Tell them 'I am' has sent you". God tells Moses to tell his people that the One who has always been and always will be has sent him.

Amazing.

God always has been and always will be. Just like the waves on the beach, a seemingly endless ebb and flow. A constant song in the background, a timeless reminder that like the movements of the ocean, God is. God was. God will always be.

Just the Issues

With all of the negative ad campaigning going on, I thought I would just focus on the issues. Based on what I've seen in the media this election, here is what your vote really means.


A vote for John McCain and Sarah Palin is:
A vote for racism
A vote for corporations & big business
A vote for oil companies
A vote for a quasi-demopublican
A vote against the poor
A vote against labor
A vote against jobs
A vote for George W. Bush
A vote for fear-mongering
A vote for 4 more years of the same
A vote against Civil Rights (he voted against a national holiday for MLK Jr.)
A vote against a woman's right to choose
A vote for the rich getting richer
A vote for rash and impulsive recklessness
A vote for lobbyists
A vote for Rod Parsley, John Hagee and other radical right-wing conservative Christians
A vote against the environment
A vote against conservation
A vote for intolerance
A vote for war-mongering
A vote for an uber-rich, out of touch, aging senior citizen and an inexperienced, air-headed, gun-toting hockeymom
A vote for empty promises
A vote against the UN
A vote for an increasing national debt
A vote for corruption (Keating Five)
A vote for the unknown



A vote for Barack Obama and Joe Biden is:
A vote for terrorists
A vote for socialized medicine
A vote for higher taxes
A vote for socialism
A vote for Marxism
A vote for Government control of private citizens
A vote for killing babies
A vote for the United Citizens Party (who also nominated a Socialist Party candidate in 2004)
A vote against national security
A vote for inexperience
A vote for the Democrats trifecta, holding the House, Senate and Presidency
A vote for "redistribution of wealth"
A vote against Isreal
A vote against the 2nd amendment
A vote for Rashid Khalidi, Yasir Arafat, William Ayers, Jeremiah Wright, Hamas, Fidel Castro,
A vote for the Anti-Christ
A vote against the troops
A vote for more federal spending
A vote against small business
A vote for judicial activism
A vote for partisan politics
A vote for the most liberal voting senator
A vote for pragmatism
A vote against family values
A vote for empty promises
A vote for the unknown