Universal Truths

1. Triangular sandwiches taste better than square ones.
2. At the end of every wild college-party there is always a girl crying.
3. Everyone who grew up in the 80's has entered the digits 55378008 into a calculator.
4. Sharpening a pencil with a knife makes you feel really manly.
5. You're never quite sure whether it's against the law or not to have a fire in your back yard, unless you live in an apartment, then it is definitely against the law.
6. You never know where to look when eating a banana.
7. Its impossible to describe the smell of a wet cat (note: wet dog smell is an accurate description of a wet dog, but there is no such thing as wet cat smell)
8. Poking a fire with a stick makes you feel manly.
9. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad
10. Rummaging in overgrown grass will always turn up a bouncy ball.
11. You always feel a bit scared when petting horses, maybe its their huge bowling ball eye.
12. It is impossible to look tough while drinking out of a straw
13. Everyone always remembers the day a dog ran into your school.
14. The most embarrassing thing you can do as schoolchild is to call your teacher mom or dad
15. The smaller the monkey the more it looks like it would kill you at the first given opportunity.
16. Some days you see lots of people on crutches.
17. Every man, has, at some stage, while taking a pee, flushed half way through and then raced against the flush.
18. No matter how many times you shake it, the last drop will always be in your pants
19. Old women with mobile phones look wrong!
20. Its impossible to look cool while picking up a Frisbee or while tossing back an item after an errant throw to the people playing "catch".
21. Driving through a tunnel makes you feel excited.
22. Old ladies can eat more than you think.
23. You can't respect a man who carries a dog.
24. There's no panic like the panic you momentarily feel when you've got your hand or head stuck in something. Or when you're at someone else's house and the toilet water starts to come up before going down
25. No one knows the origins of their metal coat hangers.
26. Despite constant warning, you have never met anybody who has had their arm broken by a swan.
27. The most painful household incident is stubbing your toe on the edge of the bed/coffee table/hope chest etc.
28. People who don't drive slam car doors too hard
29. You've turned into your dad the day you put aside a thin piece of wood specifically to stir paint with.
30. Everyone had an uncle who tried to steal their nose.
31. Everyone has an aunt who is a "cheek pincher"
32. Bricks are horrible to carry.
33. In every order of french fries there is a fry that looks like it had been sitting on the surface of the sun.